DEAR ERIC: One of my daughters-in-law has always been easily offended. It runs in her family, people being shunned for years. I’ve tried to be loving and caring, but I always come up short.

Eighteen months ago, he had a medical emergency and our son asked us to come. While at home, my daughter-in-law started talking about their finances and asking my opinion on what they should do. I suggested that maybe they should start planning for the future instead of living in the moment. All seemed well for a little while. Then came the anger, the hurt, and all that comes with it.

I realized later that he wanted me to offer to help him financially. We are retired and make almost a third of what they bring.

She stopped talking to us and we left. She cut off all contact with us right after she sent me a really nasty email.

He also told one of our grown grandchildren that I said things that were not true about that grandchild.

Now our son is making proposals on his wife’s behalf to forgive and forget. I actually enjoyed not having to guard every word I say and all the drama that comes with it. I don’t think I can trust her any more than I did before. I just don’t know if I can forgive and forget. I hate that, but it’s true. Any advice?

– No intentional crime

No offense dear: I see red flags everywhere here. So many flags it looks like the opening ceremony of the Olympics. It is unthinkable that she lied to her child about you; it’s awful that he cut off contact after you refused to give him money; it is worrying that she is so quick to take offense. Legitimate crime is one thing, but the way he goes about it seems more manipulative. You are right not to want to be involved in the manipulation.

Your son wants you to forgive and forget, but has she asked for forgiveness? Or did he contact you at all? I’m not saying she can’t be forgiven without an apology, but she crossed several lines and she has to admit it.

I’m a fan of “forgive and remember” sometimes. She has a pattern of behavior that makes it difficult to trust her again without change. Ideally, you could have a conversation with her where you tell her how her actions affected you and she makes amends. If he won’t, it’s wise to keep a polite distance.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow it up Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.