Maybe it’s your family of origin. Or maybe your in-laws or your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family are the problem. Either way, it’s the holidays and you’ll most likely be around someone’s family in the next two weeks. If family time isn’t always light, easy, and fun, you’re not alone.

Here are 9 tips that will change the way you deal with difficult family members during the holidays:

1. Don’t try to change them

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It’s number one for a reason: it’s the root cause of your frustration. Not only is it the foundation of everything, but there’s an excellent chance that it’s the most difficult thing on the list.

I’ll tell you straight: when you want or expect others to be different than they are, you end up disappointed. You know you can’t change them – wishing they would act differently drives you crazy. 2018 research confirms that having unrealistic expectations will only lead to disappointment.

When you accept a family member exactly as they are, the resistance and inner battle goes away. Acceptance does not mean approving or doubting what they do. It simply means that you stop expecting them to be different than they are.

RELATED: My toxic family ruined my holidays

2. Don’t take things personally

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Their appreciation or disapproval is rarely about you. If they disapprove of your date, pressure you to get a job, or don’t thank you for the gift you picked out for hours… it’s about them. They can choose their behaviors, and what they choose is always more a function of their experiences and their worldview than it is about you.

So I’m the type of person who asks rude questions or doesn’t appreciate gifts. Fine. It has nothing to do with you and the less you take it personallythe happier you will be.

3. Pick your battles

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When it comes to addressing things that bother you, turning the other cheek is usually the safest choice. Of course, there are exceptions, and there may be times when you desperately need to speak up for yourself or leave the situation.

But in general, family time during the holidays is relatively short and rare. Remember you’re leaving town soon and just let them.

4. Protect your energy

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When the tension is high, you can literally feel the energy in a room. Don’t let your energy be diverted by anyone else.

Decide how you want to feel and consciously decide to feel that way. Being calm and peaceful is your best asset in any stressful situation.

RELATED: 5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries While Spending the Holidays with Family

5. Take responsibility

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With an open mind and a willingness to make mistakes, look at your role in tension. It’s natural to be defensive when challenged or attacked, but try to examine yourself from their point of view.

If you’ve done something that isn’t the highest expression of who you want to be, own up and apologize for it. Simply and honestly, apologize for whatever role you played in the disagreement so you can put it behind you and move on. A 2011 study found that apology was one of the strongest predictors of interpersonal forgiveness.

6. Ask: What can I learn from this?

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You’ve heard it before – difficult people are your greatest teachers. It tests your limits and helps you grow.

I believe that everyone in your life is here on purpose; all part of a rotating cast of characters perfectly chosen to help you become more of “Who You Really Are.”

With this perspective, what could your family situation teach you? what will you learn from conflict? How can you use this situation to improve your other relationships or help someone in a similar situation?

7. Don’t compare

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No family is perfect. The ones that look perfect only appear from your outside perspective. Everyone is dealing with something; if it’s not a family drama, it’s something else.

Comparing your family to others it is the opposite of accepting them exactly as they are. The more you compare, the worse you feel, period.

RELATED: The Holiday Woman “Frightening” is a reminder that family drama is someone else’s dream

8. Choose to be happy instead of choosing to be right

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You know how confident you are that you’re right and they’re wrong? Well, I have news for you. They are just as sure they are right and you are wrong.

Since you won’t change their mindwhy not decide that knowing you are right is enough and leave it at that? Choose happiness over justice.

9. Be compassionate

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Although it is difficult to show love to difficult people, they are the ones who need it the most. No one wants to be envious or mean. Any action that is not based on love is based on fear.

Everyone has a story. If you knew their story, you would have compassion. Try to remember that, especially when it’s so easy to judge.

Practice compassion for your family. If they knew better, they would do better. Plus, by giving them compassion, you generate it in yourself, so everyone wins.

RELATED: 9 Types of People Who Struggle During the Holidays

Dr. Amy Johnson is a psychologist whose passion is helping people recognize and change unwanted patterns.