Sex researcher Natalie Rosen says there are lots of reasons why women may find sex unpleasant – it may be painful, lack lubrication, or not suit their specific desires and preferences.

Research from British condom manufacturer Durex revealed that only 24% of women orgasm every time they have sex, compared to 61% of men. And Rosen’s research found that about 16 percent of women experience pain during sex.

“(There’s) not enough stimulation of the clitoris or stimulation in the way she enjoys it,” said Rosen, a professor of psychology at Dalhousie University.

Here’s what Rosen and two other sex experts say women can do to improve their sex lives.

Enhanced sexual pleasure requires a broader definition of sex

Sophie Bergeron, a sex researcher at the University of Montreal, says she’s found that people can operate with a narrow definition of sex.

“For something to be ‘sex,’ there doesn’t need to be an orgasm… There doesn’t need to be any vaginal or anal penetration,” said Bergeron, Canada Research Chair in Intimate Relationships and Sexual Well-being. being.

Sex can be any behavior that someone finds exciting and desirable, Rosen says.

“For some people, that might include touching the genitals, and for some people … deep kissing can feel really sensual, arousing and desirable without any genitals involved,” she said.

Oral sex, genital fondling and mutual masturbation can all count as sex, she says.

“Broadening our definitions of what sex is could contribute to sexual pleasure.”

Understanding sexual arousal, desire can help your sex life

Lori Brotto, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia, says she often finds that women conflate sexual arousal with sexual desire. Arousal is often physical, while desire tends to be psychological.

When women are sexually arousedblood flows to the genitals, causing the vulva and clitoris to thicken. The vagina and labia may also be moistened with a clear liquid.

“It’s the body kind of preparing itself for potential sexual activity,” said Brotto, who also holds the Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health.

The clitoris is approx 10,000 nerve endings — more than the vagina itself and significantly more than nearly 8,000 found in the glans penis – and Brotto says that anatomical studies have confirmed that the clitoris is the only part of a woman’s anatomy that exists only for orgasm.

Touching, rubbing, and licking an aroused clitoris can be pleasurable and lead to orgasm, but Brotto says she’s talked to women whose partners are too focused on clitoral stimulation.

“Stimulating an unexcited clitoris can actually be painful,” she said.

Also, trying to penetrate an unstimulated vagina can also be painful.

Desire related to arousal

While arousal is felt primarily in the body, desire refers to thoughts and feelings in the mind.

“It’s really important to ask about both (arousal and desire) because they can be out of alignment,” Brotto said.

In newer relationships or more casual sexual encounters, women tend to experience desire followed by arousal, according to Brotto. However, she says women in long-term relationships tend to experience the opposite.

Brotto says that scheduling sex can help make it more enjoyable for some, especially in long-term relationships.

“Planned sexual activity gives a person the opportunity to arrange the context, to maybe fantasize about it, to be very intentional about what barriers can be removed, what facilitators can be put in place,” she said.

“And that’s the exact opposite of being clinical and boring.”

How to explore starts and stops

Rosen says women can explore what turns them on by learning more about their bodies and their desires.

Women should make time for body exploration exercises and looking at their genitals with a mirror, Brotto says.

“It’s not about producing pleasure or orgasm, it’s really about trying to understand, ‘How do these particular touches lead to certain kinds of sensations?'” she said.

Rosen recommends resources like OMGYES.com, as well as books by sex educator Emily Nagoski.

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“They can also talk to their doctor … who might do some sort of educational exam,” Rosen said.

says Brotto embracing mindfulness can help as well activate the desireencouraging women to focus on the moment while having sex.

“Imagine an exercise where the person is guided to pay attention to different sensations in their body,” she said.

“Maybe they start with the toes, notice places of tension, notice the temperature, the texture, the feel of the toes on the sock or the floor.”

How to talk to your partner about sex

Women who want to encourage their own sexual desires should start by talking to their partners about why they want to have sex in the first place, Bergeron says.

A study 2024 found that “sexual communication mediated the link between emotion regulation skills and female sexual functioning.”

Simply put, the researchers noted that study participants reported lower levels of sexual function—things like desire, arousal, and orgasm—when they also reported lower levels of sexual communication.

Brotto makes it clear that couples don’t need to know specific terminology related to their bodies when talking to their partners. Instead, they should simply try to have a conversation about sex to normalize sexual desire.

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Furthermore, encouraging sexual desire through positive motivation—such as celebration, closeness, and the desire to feel pleasure—is better than using sex to avoid conflict or channel frustration.

Instead, she recommends scheduling time to prioritize conversation as a way to prioritize sexual health while also focusing on talking about the sexual experience rather than things like performance or orgasm.