Dear ABBY: I am a 37 year old female who seems to be the right person in my family to understand things. Due to my stepmother not being comfortable enough with her English and me struggling to win her approval, I made sure to take care of the things she couldn’t from an early age. The problem is, even though I used to be proud of myself for always figuring things out, I don’t feel that way anymore.

There are five brothers in total. We are all adults now, but my stepmom seems to only come to me to solve any problems she has. If someone offers her assistance, she’ll say something like “That’s fine, but I’ll ask your sister instead.” I understand that this may be my fault because of my constant need to please her. Lately, though, I’ve struggled more and more with feeling used, like my worth depends only on what I can do for her. Is there a way to change her expectations without having to tell her directly how I feel? — TOO HELPFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TOO HELP: You might find it easier to start by being less available when your stepmom has a “two.” She might be shocked and not like it, so be prepared when you tell her to ask one of your siblings. The alternative is to be completely upfront with her about your feelings, including the fact that you feel she only values ​​you for what she perceives you can do for her.

Being the only “adult” in the family is a terrible burden to put on a child, which seems to be what happened to you. I knew someone like that. Like you, he was the designated solution to family problems. Unfortunately, no one was grateful for his efforts. Instead, they not only took advantage of him, but resented him for it.

Stop this scenario before you start seriously disliking your “powerless” stepmom.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.