Dear Miss MANNERS: I started going gray at age 14, so I’ve gotten a lot of comments about my appearance over the past 20 years — shockingly, ALL from women.

From my friends’ mothers (“You’re too young for gray hair!”) to teachers (“You really should dye your hair; you look so old”) to strangers on the street, women seem to feel that sisterhood offers them . permission to say what they want about how I look. (To be fair, there were plenty of positive comments, too.)

I used to dye my hair, but I stopped during the pandemic lockdown because I didn’t see any point in ruining my hair if almost anyone would see it. By the time things opened up again, I had gotten used to not spending the time, energy, and money to change the color of something that was dead anyway. I don’t want to go back.

I’m married with kids and my husband and kids think natural gray actually makes me look better. But over the past few years, I feel like I’ve aged significantly and become a bit more sensitive about my appearance.

I was walking with my 2-year-old when an elderly woman stopped me to ask if I was his grandmother! I laughed and told her I was only 30 and she replied, “But your HAIR!”

Of course, aging is a natural part of life and should not be viewed negatively. But it would be great if people didn’t assume I’m decades older than I am, let alone talk about it! What’s a good way to respond when someone takes the liberty of telling me how old my hair is?

WHITE READER: “Thank you; I’m glad you like it.”

This reply is for all comments, not just the favorable ones. Warn people about what kind of remarks are acceptable.

Miss Manners finds it strange that the unnatural dyed look is the approved standard. Her dear mother, who was a teacher, noticed that children believed that when ladies get older, their hair turns honey blonde.

Please don’t be swayed by rude people. It is certainly more important that your husband and children find you beautiful.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email address, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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