So here we are again. The first Tuesday in November and another American’s last day for years electoral campaign dominated by the specter of a Donald J trump card.

What strange times the last year has been. There have been two assassination attempts, a last-minute abandonment, and far, far, far too many appearances from Elon Musk. I laughed, I cried, I fell out of the cocoon, I existed in the context, and they ate the cats and dogs. Times were bad, but the jokes were good.

Along with the delirium, however, there was a growing but familiar anxiety. It is perhaps best described as a recurring trauma, one that burrowed into the bodies of all vaguely left-wing people on the morning of November 9, 2016 – and never left. Waking up that morning to the news that Hillary Clinton had it against all odds, lost to Donald Trump, and the scales suddenly fell from our eyes—it’s a PTSD that’s become a tentative joke in Democratic campaign circles now. The naïve hubris of the night before versus the abject horror of the morning after. And as with any trauma, the body remembers – and prepares us now – for the very clear possibility of a horrible deja vu.

For a while there, though, it looked like Trump’s story was finally over. When he first announced that he would run for re-election in November 2022, he was at the base of a mountain that seemed impossible to climb. Banned from X/Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, he was forced, rather pathetically, to campaign exclusively through Truth Social, the social media site in which he owns a majority share. The question was whether, after being defeated in the previous election and inciting a violent insurrection, the Republican Party could support him again. Of course not, we told each other. There were all the court cases, the traffic photo, the felony conviction, the big liebeing found guilty of sexual assault.

But one by one, the obstacles fell. The GOP galvanized, court cases were delayed and social media bans were lifted. And backed by a deteriorating Joe Biden, before we knew it, we were right back on track for Trump to accomplish the impossible again.

And here we are, right in the same precipice, forced once again to face this unthinkable, ever-present, recurring nightmare. However, the difference between now and even just four years ago is that Trump could be the last straw in a list of disasters that sends us all into a collective meltdown.

In the years since Trump descended the golden escalator in 2015 to announce his first campaign, it has felt as if global politics has been a non-stop conveyor belt of terror. There was a deadly pandemic; Russia’s illegal invasion of Ukraine; Israel’s horrific bombing of Gaza; the resurgence of right-wing, anti-immigrant populism; the climate being decimated; and a devastating attack on women’s rights in the US and beyond. It can be hard enough to know where to direct our anger and frustration already. Of course, these problems are not unrelated to the man himself – essentially, he exacerbated them all – and he is clearly committed to doing so again.

There is a temptation on this side of the Atlantic to feel that we are over-invested in the fate of the American ballot box. But of course, the reality is that when the US sneezes, the world catches a cold, which is why the exhaustion feels transcontinental. America’s military muscle, financial power, and frankly, absolute cultural dominance make it an impossible country to ignore, as much as you might want to try in the coming days. So buckle up, turn on CNN and stock your liquor cabinet – we’re ready for a nail biter.

Emma Loffhagen is a writer at the London Standard