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5 experiences a childhood trauma specialist wishes she could give to anyone with challenging parents
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5 experiences a childhood trauma specialist wishes she could give to anyone with challenging parents

Navigating relationships with parents can be incredibly difficult, especially for adult children who have had challenging childhoods. Many grew up envying their friends with a more perfect upbringing.

Conformable Morgan Pommellsa childhood trauma specialist on Instagram, those feelings of jealousy are normal. In validating their feelings, she explained that there are childhood experiences that these adult children simply missed that were integral to their development. “These are experiences I wish I could give to everyone,” she said in a recent post.

Pommells compiled a list of five experiences missing from young survivors of childhood trauma that they wish they could provide.

Here are 5 experiences that a childhood trauma specialist wishes he could give to anyone who grew up with challenging parents:

1. An annual “me and mom” outing on a school day:

This tradition sparks happy memories for children who have a healthy relationship with their mother, but not all are so lucky.

mother and daughter dance and have fun fizkes | Shutterstock

Pommells described the scene in her post, writing, “An annual tradition where your mom takes you out of school for a ‘mommy and me day.’ The first time she walks into your classroom, you look up in bewilderment and ask her why she’s there.”

“He reaches out and just says, ‘I missed you.’

This tradition, combined with the feeling of “I miss you,” is fundamental to parent-child relationships. Not only does it help make children feel loved and validatedbegin to build their inner self-esteem and cement the confidence that follows them as they grow.

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2. A parent bails you out of an awkward situation, “no questions asked”

Childhood trauma can occur when children simply don’t feel like they have parents they can rely on in any situation – even if it’s a situation they shouldn’t have been put in to begin with.

Imagine the scenario where you’re at a high school party you weren’t supposed to go to and you can’t get home. A healthy parent-child relationship means that no matter where you are or what time it is, your mom or dad prioritizes your safety.

Pommells described: “A dad who answers your phone at 3am when you’re scared and awkward at a party. You use the agreed-upon code word, no questions asked, that signals that something is wrong and you want to go home.”

She added: “He responds with ‘I love you, stay put, I’ll be right there.’

That’s it the hallmark of a great relationship with your parents—no matter what happens, you can trust them to always be there.

RELATED: The common phrase that people with unresolved childhood trauma say without even realizing it

3. A weekend family tradition

Pommells painted the picture this way: “A Sunday ritual with your favorite parent — whether it’s fishing, watching cartoons, baking cookies. It doesn’t matter… You laugh together over stupid jokes that don’t make sense, look up at them and realize that you will forever be connected to something much bigger than yourself.”

father and daughter cook together Konstantin Postumitenko Canva Pro

This kind of love and connection is the foundation for all your relationships going forward.

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4. A photo album full of childhood memories

“A photo album filled with baby photos and handwritten notes documenting your first big moments. On one of the pages, a faint line describes the day you were brought home from the hospital: “We brought the baby home today. Life changed forever.”

Woman looking at a photo album with her mother. africa_pink / Shutterstock.com

Pommells explained this seeing these important parts of life from your parents’ perspective it can help you recognize how much love and joy you have brought them.

They celebrated you—and brought you into their lives—by documenting every step of the journey.

RELATED: 8 Subtle Signs You Had a Tough Childhood and It’s Still Affecting You Today

5. A father-daughter dance

You deserve a father, a parent, who shows love without restraint. “A dad eagerly joining you on the dance floor for the father-daughter dance at your wedding, his face beaming with pride.”

“As the song of your choice begins, he whispers how proud he is and that he promises to always be there for you,” Pommells continued. “No part of you even thinks to wonder if it really will.”

Whether it’s an elementary school father-daughter dance or a sentimental dance on your wedding dayyou deserve someone who will show up for you, give you the attention you deserve, and who is happy to do it.

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a writer focusing on health and wellness, psychology, social policy, and human interest stories.