Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 45 years, and at ages 72 and 67, we both struggle with health issues. Our 43 year old son still lives with us and works a low income job. Of course we are retired and unfortunately our two story home has become increasingly unmanageable due to our health conditions. Climbing the stairs to our bedrooms is a daily challenge.

I’ve lived in this neighborhood for almost 70 years, and frankly, I feel like it’s falling apart. Recently, several houses on our street have been condemned and torn down, leaving the area looking like a war zone. Even before that, we were surrounded by squatters and other unsettling conditions. Mentally and physically, I am deteriorating rapidly and feeling trapped.

We absolutely own our home, which my husband and son see as a reason to stay. But I can’t take it anymore. I am on the verge of breaking down and the anxiety and depression of being stuck in this environment is overwhelming. I know I have to go, but I’m torn because I don’t want to break up my family.

How can I convince them that selling our house and moving to a healthier place is the best option? They are desperate for a change, but they cling to the idea that because we own the house, we should stay. The house is over 120 years old and needs a lot of work. Renting it is not an option; I just want to sell it quickly and move on before my sanity deteriorates further.

Please I need advice on how to move forward without tearing my family apart. Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

— Two Against One and Fade Fast

Dear two against one:

First of all, I am very sorry to hear that your neighborhood has declined so quickly. The best way forward is to keep doing exactly what you are doing – communicate your needs clearly to your husband and son. Your concerns about living in a walk-up for health reasons are completely valid.

Selling your home could provide a win-win solution. With the proceeds, you may be able to buy a new home outright and remind your spouse that you will still have ownership, just in a different location, that supports your health and well-being. Take the time to research the neighborhoods and homes you would like to live in and work with a good real estate agent to explore your options. Show your husband and son what is possible; they might realize what they’ve been missing.

People often fear change, but sometimes change is just what we need. Your health is the priority – both mental and physical. As the saying goes, “health is wealth,” and if this house is harming your health, it’s time to move on.

If your husband and son still won’t listen to your concerns, it may be time to seek the guidance of a professional therapist.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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