We already know that love is, as they say, many wonderful things, but anyone who has been in a long-term relationship is also aware that the course of true love is rarely smooth, no matter how great it is. As with anything that develops over time, there are several stages of a relationship that couples go through as they move from living alone as two individuals to a team choosing to make their lives one.

Sometimes, you might feel sick to your stomach, but in a good way. In others, your libido may seem practically out of control. Sometimes you literally can’t get enough of that person and don’t want to be apart, and other times, you wonder if they’ll ever (finally) go away and give you some peace.

According to a 2014 study conducted by psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos for the online dating site eHarmonythere are five stages of relationships that couples commonly experience over time – butterflies, building, assimilation, honesty and stability.

It is important to note that these stages do not always occur in exactly the same order, and some stages may occur or repeat in cycles, meaning that some couples may return to certain stages many times over the course of their relationship.

Here are the 5 stages of a relationship that all couples go through to reach the end:

Stage 1: Infatuation AKA Butterflies

The best parts of starting to fall in love are butterflies and passion. Infatuation can be a bad thing in some cases, but when you’re both in it to win it, it’s wonderful.

You can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate and the most important thing in the world is to see that person again. Research from California State University it tells us that passion, or lust, is built on a physical connection and is very surface level.

The study found that 56% of people in the infatuation stage also noticed an obvious increase in their drive, meaning all you want to do is be in bed with your new love until dawn. However, this could be too much of a good thing, especially when your passion blinds you to reality.

Relationship Coach Larry Michel explains: “Many conditions drive infatuation: a strong desire for intimate connection or security, the end of loneliness or boredom. The most powerful and common source of passion is chemistry, a mixture of chemicals and hormones in the brain that awaken our senses and make us fall head over heels in love.

The 6 major players are dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin, testosterone and phenylethylamine (PEA).” The result, he says, “Chemistry is a very possible false indicator of a lasting relationship.”

Important tips for the infatuation stage: Make sure you are grounded in reality. No one is perfect – not you, not your new partner. So stop thinking of them as such.

Instead, see them for what they are: a human being with flaws. This will help you distinguish between the person you think you are and the person you should see as a whole. “Recognize that you are under the influence of fantasy love and take the time to see what they are like… Be honest about what you want and who you are,” she suggests relationship coach Marilyn Sutherland.

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Stage 2. Comfort AKA Building

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Comfort stage it’s when things calm down a bit in your body and you’re not in a fog of adoration and devotion. According to the study, neurochemicals are released that increase heart rate volume and pleasure zones.

The say the scientists these feelings are on par with class A drugs. You’re experiencing something called “blissful anxiety” and it’s still difficult to find a way to sleep. The honeymoon phase is over, but things aren’t cooling down yet.

Important tips for the comfort stage: Because this is an “in-between” stage where the feelings of infatuation have faded but you still haven’t come to terms with whether or not your relationship has a future, remind yourself that a relationship like this is not sustainable.

“See the loss of that fantasy as an opportunity to get to know them more deeply and to get to know yourself. Share your values, goals and dreams and see what you can build together. Focus on the things that work and explore together how you can resolve any significant differences,” adds Sutherland.

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Stage 3. Questioning AKA Assimilation

Of course, you will come to a point where you will guess what is going on. During the questioning stage, you begin to question whether things are “right”. You begin to doubt whether your relationship will last or even if this person is a good fit for you. Being compatible in a relationship, according to 2023 researchit means you both want the same things for your future.

You start to question if this is really what you want. Can you see yourself with this person long term? Is it worse than you expected?

Do you even have the potential for a long-term relationship that will last? You are compatible more than surface level? Adds Michel: “Whether couples are driven by chemistry or a strong sense that the person they’re dating seems to fulfill some or all of their greatest needs and desires, the task is to prove it so they can decide if this is who they are. really want to be their partner.”

Important tips for the survey stage: The questions stage isn’t so much about self-doubt as it is about trying to figure out what’s right for you and your future. So, it is essential to be on the same page with your partner.

Have a discussion about what you both want, if your values ​​align that way, and how you can address any issues that arise between you. Sutherland says, “Know that no two people are 100% in sync, and commit to working out differences with loving kindness. Be kind to yourself and to them as you navigate any uncertainty.”

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Stage 4. Vulnerability AKA Honesty

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“This stage deals with the concept behind how we all put on our best faces; through social media, we edit our lives as well as our images to make it seem like everything is fine,” the study indicated. The study found that 15 percent of people experience “feelings of self-doubt and increased vulnerability” when it comes to being honest about who they are and all those weird quirks that everyone has.

Vulnerability is one of the most important parts of any intimate relationship, Research from 2019 states. And because it can seem like you’re taking a risk in showing your true self, stress levels start to rise. However, the vulnerability stage indicates that you and your partner have moved into a serious relationship.

Important tips for the vulnerability stage: It’s not easy to expose both the best and worst parts of yourself, but it’s a necessary step to making a relationship work. Being vulnerable isn’t easy, but sharing the parts of you that you don’t want others to see shows your partner that you can go deeper, you trust them, and your relationship isn’t shallow.

“Learn to communicate authentically, with love, and accept differences,” adds Sutherland. “Continue to be open and honest and set boundaries. Be willing to ask for what you want and need.”

Stage 5. Stability

After the ups and downs, questions about your future, and overcoming your fears of going deeper together, the stability stage is when everything falls into place and you feel safe. Research tells us that Vasopressin, the same hormone released when you climax, circulates through your body and creates strong feelings of attachment and connection. Couples are very happy at this stage, even if the initial intensity is gone.

It is these feelings that makes for a long lasting relationship. Some may even say it is the best stage of a relationship; if you’re lucky, you also get butterflies.

It’s natural to want to take your relationship in a new direction, whether it’s becoming exclusive, renting an apartment together, or even getting engaged. You are happy together, worries about the breakup are gone, and you are looking forward to your future together.

Important tips for the stability stage: You might end up feeling bored at some point in this stage. That’s why it’s essential to have a life outside of your relationship, which means your life shouldn’t just revolve around your partner.

Plus, find ways to add excitement to your relationship. Try new activities and do things that help you stay connected.

As Sutherland advises, “If you’re feeling bored, share about wanting excitement and variety, and find ways to play out your relationship that meet both needs. Cherish the friendship and partnership you’ve created and don’t take them for granted. Express love every day.”

No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, couples should be careful not to judge themselves and never compare themselves or their relationship to unrealistic expectations. Neither you nor your partner should look at other couples and wonder what your relationship is missing; your relationship just doesn’t compare. Every relationship is unique, after all.

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Amanda Chatel is an essayist, lifestyle and intimate health writer with a focus on relationships, women’s reproductive rights, and mental health. Her coverage has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others.