It’s no secret that parenting teens can be tough. Your once talkative child may now come home, eyes glued to the phone, and disappear behind a closed bedroom door. As parents, we see the physical signs—messy rooms, late-night video game sessions, and a growing sense of disconnection. But what’s harder to see are the emotional signs: the anxiety, self-doubt or fear that often bubbles beneath the surface. Parents today face the challenge of guiding their children through one of the biggest transition stakes of their lives: college admissions.

As teens struggle with the stress of grades, extracurriculars, and standardized tests, they can seem distant, withdrawing from even the people who want to help the most. But the solution is not to withdraw completely or, on the other hand, control every aspect of the process. The key is to stay engaged in a way that promotes trust, openness and mutual support.

In many ways, the competitive nature of college admissions has transformed the process in a branding exerciseconformable New York Timeswhere teenagers feel the pressure to create perfect characters that fit perfectly into an app. This approach often conflicts with the natural turbulence of adolescence, where changes in interests, opinions, and goals are not only common but necessary. The problem is that personal branding—such as identifying oneself as a “dedicated athlete” or an “environmentally conscious leader”—can force teens to settle into identities that feel limiting long before they’re ready.

So how can parents remain a source of real support without becoming another source of stress? It starts with understanding that the intense pressure to stand out has transformed not only the admissions landscape, but also the relationship between parents and teens.

One of the most powerful ways to maintain connection is through casual, low-pressure interactions. Parents often assume their children will open up during a designated family meeting or focused conversation about college. In reality, teenagers are often most comfortable talking when they are not directly asked. Whether it’s a car ride, a walk around the neighborhood, or even cooking dinner together, these moments provide opportunities for natural conversation. Instead of leading with “How was the test?” try: “What’s been going on lately?” By focusing on their feelings rather than their performance, you create a safe space for your child to share without fear of disappointing you.

The drive for admissions success can be all-consuming, but it’s important for parents to focus on their child’s well-being rather than just their CV. Encourage your teen to pursue interests that really excite him, even if they don’t seem like resume builders. This not only helps teenagers discover themselves authentic self but it also reduces the pressure to fit into a predetermined mold. A teenager interested in volunteering at a local animal shelter might find more joy (and more personal growth) there than attending a leadership program that simply “looks good” on a college application.

However, even the best-intentioned support can backfire if it results in helicopter parenting. Over-involvement can often make teens feel stifled and pressured to meet their parents’ expectations. It is essential to balance guidance with space for exploration. As college preparation progresses, encourage your teen to tackle tasks—writing outlines, contacting professors for recommendations, and researching schools—while offering support only when needed.

It’s not just parents who need to adapt—teenagers benefit from learning to communicate their needs, too. Initiating regular collaborative strategy sessions can help teens feel more in control of their own journey. These are not “meetings with parents” where you review what has been done, but joint discussions where teenagers share their thoughts, concerns and plans. When they drive the agenda, they feel more ownership and less passive participants in their own future.

Another overlooked aspect of this journey is the community around you. Don’t underestimate the power of sharing experiences with other parents. Whether it’s local parenting groups, online forums or digital communitiesconnecting with those facing similar challenges can provide emotional relief and practical insights. Sharing strategies for securing internships, finding mental health resources, or even discussing application deadlines can make you feel less alone in the process.

Getting into college could be one of the most defining moments in your child’s young life. By staying connected with your teen, you ensure that the journey is as enriching as the goal itself.