According to Davis, it’s important to approach the subject with compassion rather than accusation, which might cause them to immediately defend themselves from the beating. She explains, “Start by expressing your observations in a non-confrontational way. Use “I” statements like “Did I notice you still have pictures of your ex?” This approach allows your partner to open up without feeling attacked.”

If you’re talking about extreme clutter or takeout every night, she adds, frame the conversation as a discussion about their lifestyle and well-being. “Offering to help or suggesting positive changes can lead to a healthy discussion rather than an argument,” says Davis. The key is to create space for an honest conversation rather than assuming the worst.