Editor’s note: Kara Alaimo is an associate professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University. her book “Over influence: Why Social Media is Toxic for Women and Girls – and How We Can Take It Back’ was recently published by Alcove Press. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and X.

CNN
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One of the best Halloween costumes for kids this year, Red from the movie “Descendants: The Rise of Red,” is frequently sold by retailers as a short, skin-tight red costume with lace or mesh material and zippers. Another on Google’s annual ‘Frightgeist’ list of top 10 costumes for kids, The Queen of Hearts often resembles a French maid costume.

“Boys dress up as soldiers, policemen and explorers,” wrote Sharon Lamb and Lyn Mikel Brown in the 2006 book “Packaging Girlhood: Saving our daughters from marketers’ schemes.” “Girls dress like hot teenagers.”

Lamb and Mikel Brown said the girls dressing up as “princesses, cheerleaders and sexy divas” was a big change from their childhood. When the authors were growing up, Halloween was about pretending to be someone or something for the holiday.

But instead of helping girls explore identities like doctors or scientists—or even superheroes like boys—costumes these days often sexualize girls.

It’s part of a wider trend. When girls join social media, I find that they soon realize that an easy way to get likes and attention is to make themselves look “hot” in the pictures they post. But it’s a terrible idea on Halloween or any time of the year.

If a girl wants a sexy Halloween costume, it’s better not to judge, but to open a dialogue, Elizabeth Baron, a psychotherapist in New York and founder of the organization. With Elizabetha platform for moms, she said via email.

“Parents should explain that dressing in provocative ways leads to the objectification of girls and women, which prioritizes their bodies and diminishes their other qualities,” Baron said. “When this objectification occurs, they risk being mistreated, disrespected, and even abused or violated — whether it’s in person or online.”

If they publish these photos, they might even attract the attention of child predators. Pediatricians recently warned that some children who are sexually assaulted connect with their attackers on social media.

Sexualization is also a sign that girls may think their appearance is of primary importance.

“Girls who dress in sexy ways may begin to over-identify with their sexuality and think that their physical appearance is what gives them self-esteem,” Baron warned. “When girls become preoccupied with their appearance, they are more likely to struggle with body image as well as mental health issues such as anxiety and depression and low self-esteem.”

While it’s okay for kids to care about how they look, “we want girls and young women to find a balance between being proud of their appearance and focusing on the other areas of their identity that contribute to their self-respect, such as being a good student, a strong athlete, a good friend and a responsible daughter,” Baron said.

Therefore, it is important to teach children that their confidence should not be tied to the way they dress. “If a kid needs a certain outfit to be confident, that means he’s not confident,” said Justine Ang Fontea sex educator from New York.

It can be helpful to use examples to drive this point home. “Beyoncé is confident in sweats and turtlenecks because that’s not what makes her sexy — it’s her genuine belief that she has purpose, abilities and belonging,” Fonte pointed out.

Baron said it’s also important to talk about the pressure kids can feel to look “hot” if it’s the norm among their friends. “Recognize that it can be hard to make different choices than some of their peers,” she said.

Parents can also help children use their imaginations to try out stronger identities with their costumes. “Fantasy for children is about trying on new roles, imagining the unusual or impossible, about taking on whatever wild and crazy identity suits their fancy or captivates them in the moment,” Lamb and Mikel Brown wrote in their book.

So parents can encourage girls—and indeed, children of all genders—to be things like Supreme Court Justices or President of the United States. “Imagine that anything is possible,” advised Lamb and Mikel Brown. “If her heart is set on glitter, at least help her imagine a fiery fairy facing the evil dragon of the magical realm, a butterfly saving the insect world, or a princess who can use a map to find her own way to the ball. .”