Dear Eric:

My husband and I just returned from a road trip in the Southwest. A few days ago, he was standing in line at a fast food restaurant when another man struck up a conversation with him. When the man asked, “Where is home for you?” My husband answered saying “Los Angeles”. The other man said, “I feel so sorry for you.”

This is not the first time we have received a negative reaction to our hometown. I’ve been hot ever since this happened and I can’t get it off my mind.

We have lived in many places during our 50 years of marriage and choose to live in the Los Angeles area because we love it.

There are many places I wouldn’t want to live, but I would never mention that if I were in a conversation with a person from one of those places. How did our nation become so rude and who thinks it’s okay to insult someone’s home? Please advise me on a polite response to this situation if it comes up again (it will).

– Loving LA

Dear Lover:

I agree; LA is great. But even if I disagreed, who cares what I or anyone else who doesn’t live there thinks? As a native Baltimorean, I’m very used to people responding to my hometown with grim appreciations born of exaggerated headlines, political scoring, or just plain ignorance. My favorite line comes from an essay in Samantha Irby’s latest collection, “Quietly Hostile.” She writes about a person who insisted on telling her that he didn’t like something she liked. “I set my face into something akin to mirth and said, in the highest octave, ‘I love it!'”

I like this. Simple, short, undeniable. I’ll tell you what they’re going to do not do you like

When some random person tells you they’re “sorry” you live in LA, they’re trying to engage you in a debate or shame you for your choices. Condolences Rejected!

Refuse to take the bait and tell them “Well, I like it!” Sure, they can point out things that are wrong with the city, but you don’t have to get bogged down in the conversation. You are at peace with your choice. You like it!

Dear Eric:

I have been in a long term relationship for seven years with a man whom I love very much but who is troubled. When we’re in good relationships, we’re great, but our downs are like ass.

I think his depression (not formally diagnosed because he refuses to go to therapy) makes him lash out at me and I always feel like I’m not supportive or understanding. This caused me to tolerate problems and behaviors from him that I shouldn’t tolerate.

I entered my career and became more financially stable, but he chose to turn down promotional opportunities to pursue his passion. This left me with more of the financial responsibility that we had originally agreed to split 50/50. We have now moved away from home and family to live in an area with a lower cost of living so we can be on more balanced ground financially.

A recent fight between us broke me and we ended the relationship. I can’t help but feel like I gave up too soon. I talked about it with friends and they told me that his behavior was manipulative, his insecurities come out in his way, and that I deserve better. But I really wanted it to be him.

Despite the heartache, I learned so much about what it means to love someone with their flaws and to be loved despite my flaws. I’m afraid I’m making the wrong choice. But I’m not sure I recognize myself anymore. What should I do?

– Suffering the Dream

Dear Dream:

Sometimes relationships give us life lessons to take with us to Next relationship. It could be a relationship with a new person or a deeper, new relationship with ourselves. What I see in your letter is someone (you) who has tried hard to make things work and who has sometimes taken on more than her share of the weight of a relationship. Instead, you were met with resistance and, as your friends pointed out, manipulation.

It can be demoralizing to try to get a relative or partner to help themselves and watch them refuse.

But the best way is forward. I am impressed by your ability to recognize your own growth and the lessons you take from this relationship.

Listen to the voice inside you that said you are fed up. If you give it space and attention, it will become stronger and more confident. And over time, it will become your voice as you get to know yourself again.