• A coworker asked me if I had the “nine-month flu,” but I wasn’t pregnant.

• The invasive question made me spiral, so I started working out more.

• I eventually told my boss and learned to set better boundaries at work.

As a married woman in my early 30s, there are places where I would expect to discuss if I am expecting a baby. An appointment with my gynecologist is one thing; in conversation with my husband is different. However, receiving this question from a colleague at work caught me completely off guard.

It happened when I came back to the office after working from home for a few days because I was fighting a cold. As I logged on to my computer, a colleague appeared at my desk. When she asked how I was feeling, I assured her that I was getting better.

“Have you had the flu for nine months?” my work colleague he asked playfully.

Her words made sense and I felt my face flush. I was shocked and mortified because I was not pregnant.

“No, it is certainly not that, I replied.

Surprisingly, I had a hard time handling the situation there, but I learned a valuable lesson about boundaries at work.

I became aware of myself at work

After the exchange with my co-worker, I tried to focus on myself my work. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the audacity of her question. Her callous words stung as they replayed in my head.

I also asked myself: if I were gained weight? Maybe my blouse wasn’t as flattering as I thought it was in the mirror. Did I look particularly tired? I have just recovered from a cold.

Following my co-worker’s comment, I found myself doubling down training at the gym and second guessing my clothing choices. I even started working overtime, putting in extra effort and polishing my assignments as I fully recovered from the flu to dispel any false impression.

I wondered if I should talk to my boss about this

In the days that followed, I wondered if I should talk to HR or my boss about the situation. I searched the internet for information on how to resolve the situation, but came up empty handed. When I confided in my close friends about the experience, they agreed that my co-worker disagreed. my husband empathized, but advised me to remove the comment and not bother me.

Still not satisfied, I finally decided to inform my supervisor about the incident, hoping the experience doesn’t happen to other women in the workplace.

I didn’t want to seem like a small story, so I was relieved that my conversation with my supervisor opened the door to a larger discussion about establishing personal boundaries.

I now implement hard boundaries at work

Like a childless woman in my mid-30s, I realized I needed to better prepare myself for any future unsolicited questions about my reproductive plans.

I found a sense of comfort and community reading Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood by Ruby Warrington. The book is part memoir and part anthropological study of the various factors driving the global decline of the birth rate. Warrington encourages parents to also read the book to learn how to become better allies for childless women in today’s society.

If the question comes back, I’ll be ready with another strategy: simply ask the colleague why she wants to know.

That’s what Ketta Crawford, vice president of human operations at The Mom Project—a digital community dedicated to building a better workplace for women, parents, and the businesses they support—told me would handle.

If answering the question is still uncomfortable, Crawford added, she might opt ​​for simple language that sets a firm boundary, such as, “Thanks for asking, but this is a personal matter that I don’t feel comfortable answering in this moment”.

And that’s something I’ll keep in mind as a childless woman.

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