Dear Abby: I am 30 years old; my husband is 46 years old. We have been married for three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki”. Kiki was always pampered and cared for; learned to lie and manipulate during childhood.

I tried to help her because I believed his family when they said she was trying to get back together. Kiki has a DUI and was evicted when her parents asked her to pay her own rent instead of having them pay. I give her cars, but she destroys them and then leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3 week old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should be in our budget yet, but my husband can’t say no to giving her money. Kiki is a liar and a habitual user. She can’t pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, confident that everyone else will pay when her utilities go out.

I don’t think it’s fair to pay them. Is 24 years young enough to need that much help? My husband is very defensive about it. – Used in North Carolina

Dear users: Given this young woman’s troubling history, your husband made a huge mistake by increasing her dependence on him. Independence is something they have to learn in stages. Your husband should sit with Kiki and explain that he loves her but now she needs to find work to support herself and that he will help her – for a set period of time – as she adjusts to taking responsibility for herself.

If he still pays her rent, there should be a firm cutoff point. No more cars, because she’s a danger on the road. She can use public transport. And if there are any more problems with her substance abuse, all bets are off. The time to draw a line is now.

Dear Abby: I’m in an online group with neighbors but haven’t been able to get out and meet some of the newer members in person. A person signs their posts in a language I don’t recognize and I was wondering if there was a polite way to ask them how to pronounce their name and what language it is. There doesn’t seem to be a way to broach the subject without sounding negative.

Also, when I hear people in my local store speaking another language, I’m curious because I’m semi-fluent in three languages ​​and I’m interested in learning more, but again, what’s a polite way to ask? “I wonder in Virginia.”

Dear I wonder: If you have the slightest qualms about asking your neighbors how to pronounce their name and what language it is in, then don’t do it online. Ask another neighbor or wait until you can meet them face to face.

When you’re out and about and you hear a language you don’t recognize, smile at people, tell them you speak three languages, the way theirs sounds, and ask what it is, because you’d love to learn it. If the question is asked in a friendly way, most people will respond in the same way. (I did this recently at a supermarket. The answer was that they came from Indonesia and spoke Malay.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.