Then we do the online diagnostic assessment and it takes about an hour and a half. Gowers tells me that dyslexia is characterized by weaknesses in cognitive processing, such as phonological processing (how quickly an individual can scan a series of visual symbols and provide a phonological response), phonological awareness and working memory.

We start by testing both my verbal and non-verbal ability. While my verbal ability (word puzzles, vocabulary and recall) is strong, my non-verbal skills (where I have to match different pictures, from shapes to sequences), are average.

Then we looked at working memory, where I have to repeat and recall numbers or letters, going up to seven numbers and six letters at a time, and then try to reverse them. I find it much more difficult to focus and remember and can only manage up to four numbers and letters backwards.

When we move on to phonological memory, where I’m asked to repeat unfamiliar, jumbled, or made-up words, I struggle. Gowers says I probably struggle with verbal memory and retention of auditory information when it is presented phonologically, as it is a key feature of dyslexia.

“The ability to hear, identify and recognize sounds, store them in memory and repeat them accurately contributes to how we learn new words,” she says. When it comes to testing my phonological processing speed, which involves two tests that examine my ability to retrieve phonological information from memory and perform a sequence of operations quickly and repeatedly, I falter.

“While your vocabulary comprehension is at the high end of the above-average range in the 97th percentile, you use this skill to support your weaknesses,” Gowers tells me. “Although your tests to determine single-word reading and spelling ability is in the mid-average range, compared to baseline ability, there is a discrepancy.”

This discrepancy, where your abilities and your skill set don’t actually match, is apparently at the heart of dyslexia.

Gowers explains that my weaknesses in phonological memory, awareness and processing show that my skills are not “safe”. “These weaknesses suggest the presence of dyslexia and are consistent with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),” she says.

Although I also demonstrate strong verbal ability, stamina, and problem-solving skills, my short-term memory is in the average low to average range. “This is critical for memory and impacts whether information goes into working memory and long-term memory,” explains Gowers.

Maybe that’s why I can never answer any of the University Challenge questions, which is always frustrating, especially when it’s a Classics-related one. I studied Greek and Roman at Exeter, but after avoiding Latin at school I ended up struggling with it at university.

There was also a discrepancy between recall of a series of numbers and recall of invented words. This is also consistent with a dyslexic profile, says Gowers. “Although basic ability is not a criterion for a diagnosis, it is discrepancies between a person’s basic verbal and non-verbal ability compared to their working memory, phonological and phonological awareness. processing that indicates the presence of a specific learning difficulty.”

These are all areas where I show weakness, which suggests both dyslexia and ADHD (although Gowers is only qualified to assess dyslexia rather than ADHD).

I find the diagnosis, after all this time, quite comforting and I wish I could tell my late mother about it. I wonder what she would say. Maybe she’d feel guilty for punishing me for not reading that Roald Dahl book, which I’ve probably read 10 times before; I loved it so much. Dyslexic or not, I am grateful that she passed on her love of reading to me.

“Perhaps there are no days of our childhood in which we lived so fully as those which we spent with a favorite book,” said Marcel Proust, the French novelist.

I can’t say finding out I have dyslexia at this stage in life has changed the way I do things, but it has made my inner critic the one who chastises me for having to figure out how to spell that tricky word or where to put it . comma, less harsh. And, for better or for worse, I managed to find a job that I love the most, so maybe that helped me in some ways. However, I will never be able to forgive that teacher for poking me in the finger.