DEAR ERIC: I divorced my wife after 25 years of marriage. After taking some medication for depression, her personality changed and she became unfaithful with a number of men.

I never told my three children (now adults, early 30s) about the affairs to protect their relationships with their mother.

For the past five years, she has alienated my children against me with a series of false stories. I don’t know the details and my kids aren’t willing to share them.

I live on the other side of the country and they are reluctant to see me. They suggest I seek therapy. I offered to do therapy with them, but they refuse.

How do I repair my relationship with them?

– The other side of the story

Dear Other Party: Take the kids’ cue and explore therapy on your own for now. This will ideally accomplish a few things. First, it can help you process the events leading up to and after the divorce. No doubt there is some evil there, some resentment. You should process this.

The second potential benefit: It’s a gesture of good faith that could show your kids that you’re serious about repairing your relationship.

Third benefit: Therapy can help you unravel the implications of these stories your ex-spouse is telling about you. Even if there isn’t even a grain of truth to them, the fact that they believed the stories will color your relationship for a while. So being able to be rigorously honest and search the safe boundaries of therapy will better equip you to have new and more productive conversations with your children. And hopefully find a cure.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow it up Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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