In my twenties, I worked as a personal assistant to the executive director of a major charity. I was recruited by her predecessor, a wonderfully compassionate woman who informed me apologetically that she was leaving the company on my first day on the job. We had three happy months together before her replacement arrived.

On my new boss’s first day, he laughed that he made one of the company director’s cries. Three quarters of the management team left in the first six months.

Read on

She was an unrepentant bully and as her assistant I often bore the brunt of this as well as bearing witness to the reprehensible way she treated other staff members.

With an MBE to her name, the public’s perception of her has wildly diverged from those unlucky enough to work alongside her. During that time, I was imprisoned in a unforgiven debt repayment plan and I felt unable to quit my job until I was close to solving it. Needless to say, it was a deeply unhappy time.

The toxic boss is an archetype that author, podcaster and speaker Graham Allcott is all too familiar with. From Elon Musk to Elizabeth Holmes, from Donald Trump to Jeff Bezosthese tough-talking leaders “who are not bound to play by the same ethical rules as the rest of us” continue to capture our imaginations, he writes in Kind: The quiet power of kindness in the workplacea hopeful new book that explores the power and potential of kindness in the workplace and why this misunderstood trait is the key to professional and personal success and greater happiness.

“This idea of ​​the evil business leader is a very well-trodden trope,” he tells me. “You can go right back to Ebenezer Scrooge and all that historical figures who fulfill the trope“, he says. “Often there’s an element of genius thrown into it – there’s this idea that we have to accept bad behavior because it’s coming from some kind of genius who’s about to change the world.

“And as a society, I think we love the idea that there are these adults who claim to know everything and we just have to let them be. greedy and tolerate their bad behavior because they will do all this good for us and it will all trickle down in the end.”

The reality is very different. Allcott cites the 2013 Harvard Business Review study “The price of incivility,” which found a clear link between toxic work environments and poor performance. “Ostracism, incivility, harassment and intimidation have been shown to have a disastrous effect on productivity, as has the outcome staff exhaustion, which inevitably moved on“, he writes.

His own research finds that teams with a sense of psychological safety are “more productive, more creative and more innovative; the quality of the decision and critical thinking is improved; people are more engaged in their work and more loyal, as well as happier and less stressed.”

It makes sense – feeling trusted, respected and valued tends to bring out the best in people – but it’s a position that still seems to be considered radical or “fluffy” in many quarters. “When you scroll through Instagram and seek business adviceall quotes have Leonardo DiCaprio The Wolf of Wall Street as their background, as if the film is some kind of manual on how to lead a team,” he observes. “He’s crazy.”

In a world where millions of budding entrepreneurs seem to subscribe to the maxim that ruthlessness and aggressiveness are king, Allcott believes kindness gets a bad press because it’s often mistaken for “being nice.” “‘Beautiful’ means to say people what they want to hearwhile ‘hello’ means telling them what they need to hear,” he writes.

The science behind kindness is one that Allcott also references when thinking about success and happiness in the workplace.

Read on

Our brains release “feel-good” chemicals when we’re kind, he writes, including oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. Increased levels of oxytocin equate to better physical health (lowering blood pressure and a healthier cardiovascular system), as well as an improved ability to read social cues and form social bonds, while increased dopamine helps boost motivation and a sense of purpose.

A study from the University of British Columbia found that taking part in nature increases levels of serotonin, which is associated with emotional stability and feelings of calmness and happiness.

These are all highly desirable qualities for workers and bosses alike, and it’s no surprise that happier staff tend to be more productive, fulfilled and good to be around. the potential to inspire and motivate others.

According to Allcott, the “quiet power of kindness” sets the tone for “a culture of high performance” because there is more trust between people in a good and positive environment. This, in turn, helps create a sense of “psychological safety” where people feel able to take creative risks that have the potential to bring a whole host of other benefits.

Allcott lists eight principles of kindness which they consider integral to a better and successful workplace. These include setting clear expectations, being humble and his personal mantra: people first, work second – emphasizing the need to see colleagues as whole people with lives and responsibilities outside of work.

Another principle encourages us to “slow down.” He writes that “the greatest source of accidental evil is occupation.”

For Allcott, the cult of occupation is a false economy. “Counterintuitively, often when we slow down, we get more done,” he tells me.

One of the problems we often face in professional conversations is that they tend to take place in the background of speed, he says.

“There is an unacknowledged but nagging truth in the room that one or both parties need the conversation to be as short as possible because there is so much more to do,” he writes. “However, we also know that depth and patience are essential to growing our understanding. Slowing down allows us to listen more deeply. It also allows for greater appreciation, memorization, connection and—ultimately—more understanding.”

Allcott is under no illusions that kindness often takes time, citing BBC Goodness Test study, which revealed that 57.5% of respondents said that time was an obstacle to being kinder.

“In our fast-forward culture, people assume that ‘slow’ means lazy or unproductive—long lies, doing nothing. But it’s not about doing everything slowly,” he says. “It’s about doing things at the right speed.” When we breathe, it becomes easier to be kinder to others and to ourselves.

Allcott argues that “great leaders set the tone” when it comes to workplace culture. But if the boss fails in this task, how much influence or power can more junior staff members have?

That depends, he says. If you have a direct toxic manager, they are more likely to change you than you are to change the situation, he explains. He advises anyone in such a situation to move away as quickly as possible. “Go away,” he says. “And do it soon.”

But if it’s accidental craziness because people are busy or it’s just an occasional thing, modeling what kindness looks like can really help.

“Kindness is saying, ‘I will go out into the world and be good to myself and be good to others as I find. them” but “goodness” it’s about saying, “In addition to all of this, I’ll look for opportunities where I can be a vessel and give others opportunities to be kind.”

If you suspect that kindness just doesn’t come easily to you, or that it’s something only others do, you’re wrong, Allcott says.

“The idea that there are good people and bad people is a myth,” he tells me. “We need to think of kindness as a verb, as something we do. It’s a practice, and like anything you practice, you can get better at kindness. Scientifically, you can rewire your brain to be more empathetic – we can all get better at these things.”

He also notes that we are only human and cannot guarantee that we will always be kind. “I’m not perfect, and hopefully it’s liberating for people to know that we all get it wrong and that we can try to do better tomorrow than we did today,” he says. “We are only as kind as our last act – and kindness is action, not identity.”

Fortunately, no one owns goodness, it is free and there is never a shortage, he adds. What he calls “kindness” can pay dividends from a business perspective, but it also has the potential to change the world by bringing happiness to others, he writes.

“Kind words cost nothing, and kind deeds have the power to strengthen the bonds between us, showing us that there is more in this life that unites us than divides us,” he says. The goal of operating with kindness has the profound potential to bring about a “quiet revolution” in our society, he writes. And isn’t that something we should all let go of?

‘Kind: The quiet power of kindness in the workplace‘ by Graham Allcott is available now (Bloomsbury Business, £20)