Can we talk about lube? There can’t be many sexual taboos gone, but the use of lube must definitely be one of them, at least among heterosexual couples. It’s not that anyone finds the idea of ​​lube particularly shocking— you can buy it in Tesco for God’s sake—but that’s a very different thing from making it a staple in you sexual repertoire.

There’s a weird stigma attached to using women’s lube, especially younger women, as if opening KY Jelly is an admission that you haven’t been turned on enough to produce enough of your own lube.

In my opinion, it’s a great shame and everyone, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation, should be using lube. It just makes everything feel better. Lubricant is the rainbow sprinkles on the sex cake of life, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. However, the use of lubricant is far from universal. In fact, as we’ll see, there’s a lot of drag, which is ironic because that’s exactly what lube is supposed to help.

There is no escape: Lubricant use in heterosexual couples is associated with sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness and anal sex. And while I like to think that very few of us would bat an eye at anyone using lube for this purpose, it has earned a reputation for being more of a sex aid than an enhancer.

But if you don’t grease your wheels on a regular basis, then you’re definitely missing out, and a lot of people do. One from 2009 study of women in the United States found that 62 percent had used a lubricant at some point in their lives, but only 25.3 percent had used it in October. Another studypublished in 2014, found that 70 percent of American men had used lube at least once, but only 25 percent had used it in the past month.

What this tells us is that people are very open to using lube, but they don’t do it very regularly. Gay and bisexual men are the exception research tells us they use lube more than any other demographic. In fact, over 90% of men who have sex with men report having lubed up at least once, and not just for anal sex, but for solo and mutual masturbation also.

Despite my argument that lube does more than just improve sexual function, there’s still no denying that it’s your vagina’s best friend for just that reason. This was it plowing to significantly reduce discomfort during penetrative sex for those experiencing vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy and dyspareunia, all of which increase significantly as we age. But we shouldn’t wait until we’re old before reaching for lubricants.

Despite the fact that the use of lubricants has been proven to seriously enhance sexual pleasure, the most commonly cited reason for heterosexual couples who did not use it was the belief that lubricants were “only for old people”.

I talked to Dr. Hallie Liebermana historian who not only researched history sex toysbut also the origins of lubricant, about the less fascinating image of lubricant.

“Lube is the ugly step-sister of sex toys,” she laughed. “It’s tacky, sticky and rarely packaged in a nice way. When people think of lube, they rarely think of beauty.” It’s true. Despite the fact that its main function is to make sex even better, lube is strangely unsexy.

I asked Dr. Lieberman about the research I looked at and why there is still a reluctance to use lube, especially among straight women.

“Lube definitely still has a stigma, at least among straight women,” she said. “A woman who ‘needs’ lube is still sometimes seen as frigid or sexually inadequate. Lube is associated with vaginal aging and menopause, so it’s automatically stigmatized in a society that rarely sees older women as sexy. But lube is for all ages. A 20-year-old might need it, just like a 100-year-old.“

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Apparently the shame around straight women using lube is an ageist thing. Lube does such a wonderful job of helping to alleviate vaginal discomfort during sex as we age that it has now become associated with the sexual dysfunction of the elderly. It’s also rooted in an inappropriate fear of sexual failure and that using lube is an admission that you’re not horny enough on your own.

This was certainly the case with Dr. Lieberman, as she explained: “I used to feel a stigma around lube in my twenties, thinking I was too young to need it or that using it was a sign that something was wrong with my vulva. I thought maybe I can’t wake up properly. If I used lube, I felt like I was admitting I had a problem, which in retrospect is ridiculous, but at the time it felt very real.”

Furthermore, there is evidence to support this sentiment. Research suggests that when women experience vaginal dryness, the perceived cause of it varies by age, with women over 50 “attributing decreased lubrication to age or menopause, while younger women believed it was due to a lack of sexual arousal “.

This brings me to a personal one bêtes noires. There is no recognized noun in English for the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal. You should say “fluids produced by the vagina during arousal”. The closest we have to a single word is the adjective “wet”. There are all kinds of less-than-flattering slang terms, from “fanny batter” to “doughnut icing,” but no words you could use while talking to your GP with a straight face. The French call this fluid “Cyprine,” from “Cyprus,” the birthplace of Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. Roger’s Profanisaurus call it “gusset icing”. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

No matter what you want to call the fluids produced by the vagina during arousal, using lube during sex risks being read as an admission that you’re not making enough of it because you’re either too old or just not turned on. first place This is nonsense.

Vaginas can be pretty unpredictable things. Not only can they get lubricated during sex when you’re not horny, but sometimes they don’t get lubricated when you are for all kinds of reasons. Hormonal changes, medications and where you are menstrual cycle all can affect the amount of carp produced.

But here’s the thing. Even if you make enough frosting for a branch of Dunkin’ Doughnuts, you should consider lube. We asked Dr. Lieberman why he thinks we should use lube regardless of age or sexual function.

“It improves sexual pleasure for all genders,” she explained. “Other research shows that women who use lube are more sexually satisfied. Not only can lube make sex more fun, it can also make it less painful and less likely to tear sensitive genital and anal tissue.“

Not only does it make penetrative sex more fun; it also makes masturbation more enjoyable. Take a tip from the male masturbation playbook and get some lube on it. You’ll thank me later.

The only caveat I will add to this is lube yourself research. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms, which is definitely worth knowing. Silicone-based lubricants can be used with a condom, but they can damage the surface of your favorite sex toy, so remember to clean them well after use. You can now buy water-based and plant-based lubricants, which are both great for sensitive skin, but may not last as long as a silicon-based option. It’s important to actually use a specially formulated lube and not just whatever you have lying around.

Hopefully we can start to dispel the idea that lube use is only for sexual dysfunction or something only used by the elderly. It improves the quality of any kind of sex fraud. I mean, the wetter the better, right? As said Dr. Lieberman, “It’s never a question of whether I want to use lube, just a question of ‘how much’.”