If the excitement you felt when you were first together starts to fade, you may start to worry that something is wrong with your relationship and feel frustrated with your life together. Don’t worry, you are not alone!

For most couples, the burning desire, desperate longing, and ever-present passion they felt at the beginning of their courtship—and even into their first months and years—usually diminishes in intensity over time.

For many reasons, relationships and marriages have reached a “happiness plateau.” One reason is that people fall into a relationship rut. Relationship ruts are very common, but if you allow them to persist and deepen, they can be dangerous to the health of your partnership and lower your marriage IQ. But fear not – we have solutions to improve your marital intelligence.

Here are five daily habits of high IQ people in marriage:

1. I’m slowing down

what i want to say by slowing down? Each of you is busy rushing with work, family and social obligations. You probably think that your relationship can wait in the background while you think about trying to complete everything.

But in reality, you need to take the time to stop and look at what’s going on with your relationship right now. Notice what your partner is doing today and how your partner contributes to your life.

Notice what he or she is wearing. Learn something about his day that you didn’t know before. Slow.

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2. They schedule play dates

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Laughing, being a little wildand fun are all great ways to rekindle the ease and joy you felt when you first met. Several studies show that if you do activities with your partner that produce brain chemicals associated with arousal, that arousal carries over into your private, intimate relationship. Activities that create fear (eg, roller coaster rides, skydiving, bungee jumping, or scary movies) or cause an increase in brain chemicals (eg, vigorous exercise or hiking) increase passionate love.

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3. Engage in new activities

Doing novel activities with your partner it allows you to re-experience that original sense of novelty, adventure and risk-taking that you felt during dating. It doesn’t matter what the activity is, as long as it’s something you haven’t done before with your partner. Statistics from the Pew Research Center states that 64% of couples with shared interests believe it has helped their marriages succeed.

Preferably, it’s something none of you have done. It could be as simple as trying a new restaurant or as involved as taking African drumming lessons. I know a couple who went to a Rumba class together and they were both so funny and goofy about it that it started to be a fun evening.

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4. They remember to touch

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Studies show that couples feel better and more connected when they frequently engage in small non-intimate romancesincluding touching, cuddling on the sofa, greeting with a kiss, hugging and holding hands.

5. Show or tell your partner that you value them

The good feeling is one of the most common complaints of couples who have been together for a while. It takes almost no effort to show or tell your partner that you notice, value, love, and care about them. Research from the University of Georgia states that when someone feels valued by their partner, they are more likely to invest in the relationship.

Fill his car with gas. Send her a love email at noon. Offer to cook him dinner. Give him a foot massage. It’s easy.

No matter how much you love your partner, issues related to parenthood, work, complicated life, money, extended family, health, aging—and the list goes on—can keep you from feeling attractive. But the strategies and action steps I suggest work.

I’d like to leave you with some findings from my long-term study of married couples. These findings apply to anyone in a committed relationship, married or not.

Here’s the thing: First of all, intimacy is important to couples’ happiness. Of the happy couples in my study, 75% say they are satisfied with their intimate relationship.

Second, for most of these couples, the frequency of intimacy decreased over time. However, the quality of intimacy has increased for most of them. The big lesson here? Don’t focus on how often you are intimate. Focus on making it enjoyable for both of you.

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Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. (a.k.a. The Love Doctor®) is a relationship expert, teacher, therapist, scientist, speaker, and 5 best-selling author.