• Setu Shah coaches new parents on financial preparation for a child.
• It started after she gave birth to her son, who is now two years old.
• All parents should proactively budget for their paid village, she says.

This essay as stated is based on a conversation with Setu Shahfounder of Financial doula. It has been edited for length and clarity.

when i was pregnant with my first childI was as proactive as possible. Even so, I ended up in a financial situation that I simply did not expect.

When my son was born, I had some complications that led to additional medical costs. A few weeks later, my family had a water leak in our home, which resulted in expensive repairs. Then, less than three months after returning from maternity leave, I was fired.

Fortunately, I do he did not go into debt but it blew my savings. I also found myself feeling financially dependent on my husband, which was not a plan I ever had. I’ve always been very independent.

Now I work with the parents for them be financially ready before welcoming a child into their lives.

I realized that other people were in similar situations

I’m money savvy, but still overwhelmed by the financial realities of my first year as a parent. I realized that other parents – especially mothers – were struggling too. I wanted to help parents become a parent with a firm understanding of the costs, not just for baby gear and childcare, but also for unexpected items that go hand in hand with parenting. I started Financial doula before my son’s first birthday.

I’ve seen that adding a child to your family can easily cost $2,000 to $3,000 per month, especially if you’re employment of childcare. However, I encourage my clients to think beyond cost: time becomes even more precious when you become a parent. You need to weigh the costs of the services against their impact on your life.

Here are the three items all parents should budget for in the first year and beyond.

1. Child care changes

Childcare is a massive expense that many parents know how to budget for. However, I’ve learned that first-time parents need to have a lot of flexibility in this budget line.

In the first year, changing childcare situations two or three times is normal. You don’t know what will work for you or your child until you experience it. So if you plan to have your family watch your child, budget extra for occasional paid childcare. If you plan on getting day care, consider building a buffer in case you need a babysitter. It’s good to change your mind; having financial resources can make this easier.

2. Physical and mental health

In the first year postpartum, there are so many small supports that can help parents, especially mothers. A lactation consultant, postpartum doula, or sleep coach can significantly improve your quality of life. However, I see a lot of people not budgeting for these services because they are expensive and can be seen as wants, not needs. However, parents must take care of their physical and mental health.

3. A paid village

Next are the items that can make running a household easier: things like lawn maintenance, a cleaning service, meal delivery kits, etc. If you have two working parents, they are essential.

Sometimes women need help justifying these costs, especially if their male partner makes more money than they do. I try to remind families that having a child is a combined, shared decision. Investing in items that make housekeeping and childcare easier benefits both parents, not just mom. Unfortunately, remembering this requires a change in our cultural mindset.

These 2 questions can help open up money conversations

Having a baby brings a lot of financial stress that many couples have not faced before. You can never predict all the costs, but having honest conversations about finances and the psychology of money can help you and your partner understand each other’s behavior around money. These questions are a great starting point:

• What are your priorities at this time in your life? In the next two years, where do you want to direct most of your energy? Are there ways you spend your money, time or energy that you would like to change?
• What does raising and caring for a child mean to you? How do you envision your family dynamics and interactions? How can your intentional spending and budgeting help reflect this?

These are questions I consider when considering having a second child. Right now my husband has a busy career where he works many hours outside the home. I am focused on launching my business. We spend a lot of time thinking about what a second child might mean for the family as a whole and the impact it will have on each of us individually. If we decide to grow our family, I want to be very clear about the costs – the ones we can plan for and the ones we can’t predict.