A wonderful new assisted living complex is under construction near where I live. As beautiful as this place is, it has become a daily reminder to me of how difficult it can be to talk to aging parents about their health and future needs.

If you’re 40 or older, you’re part of the Sandwich Generation, which refers to middle-aged people who feel pressured to support both aging parents and grown children. You probably fall into one of these categories:

Traditional Sandwich: Those who are squeezed between the needs of aging parents, relatives or friends, supporting and meeting the demands of their own children, spouses and careers.

Club Sandwich: Those in their 50s or 60s are sandwiched between elderly parents, grown children and grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s with young children, elderly parents and grandparents.

Double Stuff Sandwich: Those whose grown children, after college, return home to live with their parents for lack of employment, direction, and/or money. Also known as “boomerangs” (as discussed in my “Life in a Crowded Nest” column).

Open-faced sandwich: anyone else involved in elderly care on the one hand and others who need support on the other.

I would estimate that at least half of my friends are either caring for elderly parents or supporting grown children and grandchildren – and in most cases, some or all of them have moved with them, taking up permanent residence.

Surveys suggest that today’s baby boomer adults (adults born between 1946 and 1965) are likely to spend more years caring for a parent than they will spend raising, caring for, and supporting their own children. And nowadays parents have been taking care of their children for at least 20 years.

The trend of parental care is on the rise as people live longer, with many boomers assisting with household needs, finances and personal care. Surveys show that about 60 percent of boomers provide some level of caregiving to their parents, while 90 percent have provided financial or other support to their adult children. This reflects both the increased caregiving burden and the extensive dependency of children in the current economic climate.

It’s common for parents today to support children into adulthood — often beyond the traditional 20s — due to the rising cost of living and economic challenges. At the same time, boomers are facing their own aging needs, further complicating the caregiving equation.

In the same way that a trip to the dental hygienist can prevent a painful procedure down the road, a conversation with your parents about aging will be worth it to help preserve a future you can both manage. The longer you wait to talk to them about the future, the fewer options you will have down the road, and the more it will cost to make sure they get the care they need.

How you approach the subject will have a huge effect on whether your parents are willing to accept your help. Here are some guidelines to help you start that conversation:

LISTEN

Don’t miss the opportunity to talk about the future. Listen to your parents and ask questions. Avoid telling them what to do, no matter how tempting it may be. Start the conversation sooner rather than later.

BE PATIENT

Your parents have bitten their collective tongue all these years while dealing with you. Now it’s your turn to be patient and give them time to think about their alternatives. Major decisions will not be made during a single phone call.

Expect silence

Do not expect quick answers to your questions. This may be one of the most difficult seasons of their lives. Give them time to process, think and meditate.

DO NOT SLEEP

Above all, don’t mistake indecision for lack of interest. I think you can be pretty sure they’ve thought about it a lot more than you have. But it’s easy to put it off when the future seems so far away.

GET HELP

It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re doing. Your desire to help your parents is a big step. Dare to ask for help.

LAUGH

Don’t lose your sense of humor. It will keep you happy and healthy for years to come.