Photo by Rob LaVeck

The commercial background music for MSNBC’s coverage of Election Day 2024 comes full circle, orchestral and important, with a hint of celebration. Yet another example of why we can’t trust the mainstream media, because everyone knows that the only appropriate background noise for an election should be screaming, punctuated with clown car horns and maybe the Benny Hill tune. They give seriousness to fatos and respect to traitors, and that’s why I’ve never won a rap battle, except in my own head. But enough, we have Civil War party favors to buy from Party City (except they went bankrupt so I guess it’s a candy Civil War).

This is going to get downright weird. Hunter S Thompson watches from space trying to find a descriptor beyond pro. This is a whole new level of weird, something to be measured only in roentgens or currency from Proxima Centauri, which is well known to be in a state of hyperinflationary excess. You’ve seen the pictures of those cute green guys pushing grocery carts full of stuff just to buy a butt plug.

I went to vote early because I’m a damn good citizen. I was pleased that there were no MAGA voting ogres at the door, this was a happy surprise, but I was mentally prepared for them and honestly would have enjoyed a low stakes fight. No, it was Halloween, and instead my paper ballot was handed to me by a rotund and somewhat gruff Fred Flintstone, and I felt good about that. This is America: bald eagles soured in my mind along with Jesus riding a pterodactyl in the sunset.

In my state, it’s a foregone conclusion that it’s going to go “RED”, but not in a sexy 80’s Soviet spy movie way. No, this is definitely MAGA country, and that’s the way it is until a populist who can channel anger comes to the fore and gains animal trust. I think of someone who will talk about welfare recipients but secretly fund Medicaid in critical access rural hospitals. People with tiki-torch burns will have an ER they can go to, but still feel better than a nebulous “other”.

I’m going to discuss something really unsettling for those on the left. Of course, the neoliberals have been massively quick to say that you should never vote third party because, as has been the case in all recent elections, Democracy® is at stake. Granted, Project Runway 2025 is terrible, bad makeup, bad outfits, and a lot of it seems to be written by the same think tankers who gave us Obama Care instead of universal coverage. It’s not just an invention of the theocratic right, though of course it has a huge dose of that. No, there are all kinds of dystopian fruits baked into this pie. The threat that lets you keep sliding to the right, even if you vote “left.” If the Democrats win, thankfully this Project 2025 won’t be fully implemented, but just for a treat, they might give you about 30% of what they embrace. This is how the slide to the right keeps happening. And the only winners are Globo-Chem (remember Mr. Show—”We Own Everything As You Don’t Have To”) and, of course, all those weird billionaires, building bunkers and impregnating.

Of course, there seems to be a chance that if the Republicans win the presidency, they may never go away. What a choice with the two major parties: a possible theocratic situation backed by Peter Thiel that probably won’t go away ever or a corporate party that corrupts massively, was responsible for arming and financing an actual genocide, but will probably I’m leaving after 4 years? It’s a pretty bad choice, but I’ll admit that if I were in a really game state, it might be a bit of a decision if someone wanted to do a third-party protest vote or look for that remote chance that make things miserable 14.2% less if Democrats win.

Fortunately, I could vote third party and not feel the shame of voting for Harris in this state. To feel compelled to sign off on genocide because they might be gone in four years and might not put tracking devices on the wombs of fertile women… Dear God, this is awful. It’s a rigged and evil game, of course. But as is always used, and certainly true if you’re pregnant and don’t want to be pregnant, it probably will matter pretty little which party wins. But voting for Democrats means giving tacit approval to what will surely go down in the history books as one of the most shameful episodes in history. Heck, that makes it a trolley issue to only get a vote if you feel strongly against genocide (how sad we don’t all feel that way).

I’m not trying to diminish the real evil of the Republicans, but they keep using this threat and all it does is push us to the right. I don’t claim to have the answers, and yes, maybe voting for Democrats is a stop-gap, harm-reduction technique that makes sense in swing states. Unlike the vast majority of neoliberals so busy judging the left but not their own party, I will not judge their choice if they vote for Harris. I understand very well the rationale behind it. However, I do remember Obama having a pretty nifty tenure and even a super-majority early on. What did he do with it? Well, it got close to you if you wanted this nation to make some progressive changes. The abortion guy they use for fundraising probably wouldn’t even be an issue if there had been an effort to codify Roe vs. Wade. Obama managed to move the nation further to the right, but he did it while looking reasonable. It’s Clinton’s and Obama’s knack for being able to make passable policies that liberals get mad about when they’re done by a Republican, but seem to cherish when they’re done by a Democrat. You just have to look at the recent slavish devotion to people like Cheney displayed by the Democrats. This is not healthy. If not Stockholm syndrome, it’s at least in a suburb of Stockholm.

What I will judge, however, is whether those voting for Harris aren’t opposed to the policy they would have been absolutely furious about if Trump had been the source. They should read an article and replace the name Harris with Trump and really feel their visceral reaction to it. Unfortunately, I just didn’t see this introspective behavior. The Democratic Party uses its influence like a Jedi trick. “These are not the progressive parties you are looking for.” Similar to Trump, and I would argue even worse covid policies under Biden were largely ignored by Democratic voters. These individuals don’t seem to care about a strong militaristic fetish for police cities, or have a problem with wall-building and anti-immigrant rhetoric if it comes from the Harris camp. Yes, one side is completely bonkers, but that doesn’t mean you should tolerate even a small portion of guano for breakfast from the other side. Again, this is how we keep sliding to the right. One can vote for Harris, but there’s no rule where you can’t keep your wits about you and recognize fascism even on your team. This is what makes you a sentient being, as opposed to a cult member.

The Democrats are certainly all about superficial publicity, saying they are the reasonable choice, but all without any truly progressive or leftist policies. The fact that neither side is even remotely opposed to a genocide that the rest of the world is horrified by is truly terrifying.

Between Democrats and Republicans, I’d say it’s not enough to simply avoid being a Berserker, but that seems to be the Democrat’s niche. Sure, I’m not going to try to stop military spending on infrastructure — not a penny for workers’ or tenants’ rights, but at least I’m not eating the hearts of my enemies or pissing off nuns. What are you a purist?

I was watching that wonderful show “What We Do in the Shadows” because I’m a scholar if nothing else, and I marveled at Nandor’s portrayal of Richard Nixon. By the way, that Nandor is a national treasure and I would defend it to the death if need be, but back to the topic. It made me think how I would happily vote for Richard Nixon over these clowns we have now. It’s so bad. When you think, hey, I think Richard Nixon would do a better job than Trump and Harris, it’s a sad commentary on America 2024.

But that said, I thought it was safe to vote my conscience. In my state, I had to write in my third-party option because Democracy® didn’t want my choice on the ballot. So I happily wrote it and didn’t have to feel massive self-loathing. But what was it really about? I can have a sense of self-satisfaction because I know it’s nothing more than a protest vote here in this state. Even so, it felt a lot better than a vote for something I viscerally loathe and really can’t stand. I’m not good at bombing and starving children – I know, I know, I’ll never be neoliberal or MAGA material. I’ll just have to live my life as an old woman winning rap battles on the side. It is not true; I know I won’t win. I guess I just want to stay human in this current episode of What the hell is going on in this world? Fascists and floods, genocide, racial retreats and misogyny……manipulation and propaganda so effective that Edward Bernays would have shivered with delight and taken a smoke. It’s not good. That’s at least 57,000 Roentgens (or 34,900 Proxima Centauri Credits) bad if you need a non-Metric unit of measurement.

Real change won’t happen until both parties are in the dumpsters of Party City.