In a world of unlimited options and limited resources, it’s a familiar connection: whether to spend your hard-earned money on the fun thing that promises instant gratification or the sensible thing that might pay off in the future.

For Crystal, 38, who lives in Los Angeles, the choice came down to pursuing a career-advancing certification course rather than finally finishing her tattoo sleeve, “which would make happy now,” she says.

She only allowed one, but turning the pros and cons was getting her nowhere – so Crystal put it to a vote on Facebook.

A group that makes small decisions for you brings together nearly 185,000 people around the world to solve the kinds of low-stakes questions and choices we all struggle with, multiple times a day, from what to eat to what to watch to how to spend a few dollars. Members vote on each other’s dilemma from a handful of given options and explain their reasoning in the comments.

The group stands out in Facebook’s increasingly desolate news feed not just by the volume of its posts, but also by the intensity of its engagement, justifying a 30-person moderation team. Cindy Baker, 49, an administrator based in Canada, says the group averages about 1,000 posts a week; some members post daily. “In some people’s lives, I know it plays a huge role.”

Most dilemmas are minor, true to the group’s name, such as choosing between potential outfits, professional headshots, or shades of nail polish. Others are looking for help navigating social etiquette, such as how to interpret dress codes or respond to a difficult colleague. On a regular basis (at least monthly) someone will ask the group if they should get bangs or alternatively grow out their bangs.

When Crystal sought help early last year, the response was “overwhelmingly” in favor of the six- to 12-month course to get the tattoo. “At first I wanted to ignore it,” she admits. But the vote and reasons given by the group helped sway her.

“Some advice went beyond choosing A or B,” says Crystal. One member pointed out that while tattooing may become less interesting, the course will continue to pay off.
Another suggested Crystal ask her employer to help with the cost.

Crystal put aside her “strong bias towards instant gratification” and enrolled in the course.
“It was the perfect choice,” she says. Not only did her employer agree to contribute, Crystal got her certification, got a raise and used the extra money to finish her sleeve.

“Having a neutral outsider’s perspective helped a lot,” says Crystal. He also used the group to choose what to order at a new restaurant, what book to read next, and what to wear. “It’s really nice to get opinions from lots of unbiased people when my brain feels like a mushroom.”

The group and its constant stream of posts reflect not only the endless options we all have to navigate daily, but also the fatigue many people feel when doing it alone. It is estimated that the American adult makes an average of 35,000 decisions every day; in 2007, researchers from Cornell University found more than 221 related to food alone.

Not all of these decisions are significant or consequential, or even consciously made—but a developing body of science supports the suggestion, widely known as “decision fatigue,” that the more we do, the harder it is for us to control our behavior or even know our own minds.

In 2004, psychologist Barry Schwartz published The paradox of choice: why more is lessarguing that the explosion in consumer choice has made it difficult to make satisfactory decisions of any kind. That connection has only been exacerbated by the rise of e-commerce and digital services, says Schwartz, prompting him to begin work on a “substantial” revision of his book: “The problem as I described it 20 years ago is a small part of the problem we’re facing now.”

Not only do we have many more options available now – products to buy, food to eat, content to watch – they are spread across different platforms, adding another layer to the process. With so many possibilities at your fingertips, making a simple decision—to order food delivery or relax in front of a movie—immediately presents you with more. Pizza or Thai? Uber Eats or DoorDash? Disney+ or AppleTV?

It’s no wonder that after running for a while, many of us just give up.

“We’re all indoctrinated to think there’s nothing more important than autonomy, but it’s a very mixed blessing,” says Schwartz. “Sometimes the relief of doing what you’re told is quite substantial.”

A group that makes small decisions for you recognizes both the predicament of an abundance of options and the desire for guidance. It was created in 2019 by a group of friends who met through another Facebook group, give me your money which facilitates mutual peer-to-peer help (usually in small amounts).

Helping people with their little decisions seemed just as civic-minded, says Baker: “It felt like there was a need that wasn’t being met.” And she benefited from the online hive mind.

Among the 70 total decisions Baker made to the group were whether to fix her broken refrigerator or buy a new one (the group said the latter, she did the former); go for a swim or get stuck in her workday (the vote said swimming, and she did); and which of two toys to buy, a Peealot versus a Poopball. (He took Poopalot.)

Baker is an artist and teacher, and for most of her life, “I have to be really self-motivated,” she says. “It seems like if I can have help with the small decisions, then the big decisions are a little easier.”

The group provides clear direction and unbiased judgment, achieved at scale. “It attracts overthinkers,” says Hayley Bennett, a 37-year-old administrator based in Perth, Australia, who is neurodivergent. “Anywhere your money wants and there are more and more options coming up all the time – sometimes you really need help.”

The increase in people living alone or without close relationships also means more lack a regular sounding board, suggests Bennett. “It’s not just being alone; a lot more people are isolated in general now.”

She recalls one member, who has since passed away, who regularly polled the group about which Band-Aid should cover her cannula tube. “They didn’t have a lot of contact with other people, and they had to have this fun little thing. Everyone got into it.”

Jasper, 28, from upstate New York, sought help from the group for everything from choosing a Halloween-themed Discord display name to a special flavor of prescription cat food. (“Jaz-o’-lantern” and duck, respectively, won.)

He values ​​it as a source of connection as much as advice, giving voice to other people’s dilemmas and “it can make a difference in someone’s life,” says Jasper. Whether it’s advising someone on a phone upgrade or a gift for a friend, “it’s the little things that change the trajectory – it’s great to be part of the butterfly effect.”

The discussion also opens him up to other perspectives, Jasper says. After sharing a meme she made, for example, she received feedback that it could be considered sexist: “I didn’t think about that at all.”

Just the act of posting can be enlightening in itself. “Sometimes people choosing the thing I think I want can make me say, ‘OK, no’ — it makes me more decisive,” says Rylie Lynn, 26, another administrator, who is based in South Carolina and has ADHD. . She posts less in the group now than before, reflecting the steps she’s taken to reduce the number of daily decisions she makes overall. For example, after finding a particular work shirt at Target, Lynn now owns “literally 40” of them in various sleeve lengths and colors.

Although the group exists to help people narrow down their options, it can end up expanding them. Lynn had recently been looking to buy a planner and came up with a handful of possible purchases. But before I could put them to a vote, someone else posted with the same dilemma, but with a different set of planners. “Now I’m looking at the planners again, like, ‘You know, this one really sounds good,'” she says.

For Schwartz, A Group That Makes Small Decisions for You perfectly illustrates the worsening paradox of choice and the difficulty of responding to it. On the one hand, he says, it fits with his initial advice to seek informed opinions and “decide when to decide” so you conserve time and resources.

But Schwartz says the group can indirectly exacerbate the problem of “decision fatigue” by placing importance on minor issues and fueling anxiety about making the “wrong” choice.
After all, you can never know for sure that you have the best possible pair of jeans or the perfect planner. “I think the most important thing is to convince yourself that good enough is good enough,” says Schwartz.

Admins will step in when someone seems to be becoming too addicted to the group and posting too often. It also works hard to maintain its stated limit of “small and medium-sized decisions only” against the tide of members asking for input on home purchases, career changes and even relationships. While “major financial decisions” are left up to the mods, polls on adopting a pet or what to name the baby are no longer allowed.

But even minor dilemmas can generate heated debates. “You’d be surprised how many people want help with their hygiene,” says Baker. The washing samples are particularly controversial: “People are very angry, like: ‘Wipes are traces of bacteria’ and ‘If you don’t use a cloth, you’re dirty.’ “

It’s exactly the kind of low-stakes debate that keeps social media coming back, but the more decisions you log, the more tired you feel, Schwartz says. “Is it a decision to brush your teeth in the morning when you wake up? Put on your two socks, then your two shoes?”

In fact, what registers as a decision is “very culture-dependent,” says Schwartz, reflecting not only the number of options available, but also individual freedom of choice. In rich, Western societies that make us believe that more options are better and there is always one that is best, it is up to us to set limits.

Older people tend to suffer less from decision fatigue, Schwartz adds, having learned over time to settle for good enough. It takes discipline to resist the reward offered and relax our “ridiculously high standards.” But once you do, he says, “you’ll find there are two hours left in the day.”