Dear Eric: I am a young woman, 30 years old. I had a small fight with my sister sometime in December 2023. The words that hurt me the most from her were “if we don’t get along, let’s leave this sisterhood”. I was so devastated, heartbroken and lost.

So from that day I decided not to talk to her like I used to. She lives in another country and I am in my native country. i love her I don’t even want bad things to happen to him. But those words keep ringing in my head. What should I do?

– Worried sister

dear sister: Your sister’s response was so extreme; I wonder if the small fight really seemed small to him. She may have overreacted or been in an intense emotional state, but proposing to end the relationship suggests that there is a longer story to this conflict that needs to be resolved.

By the same token, you were hurt enough to accept her proposal. That also suggests that this was the tip of an iceberg of bruised feelings between the two of you. So what’s really going on?

Whatever lies beneath the argument, it doesn’t have to be the end of it.

In fact, by reaching out to her to unpack this, you may be able to break whatever pattern you’re both in. Try a call if she accepts. Or a letter, if he doesn’t want to.

Start with the basic truth: you love her and you want to fix this. To do this, you need to talk about the ways in which you were hurt, and you need to be open to hearing how it felt to be hurt. This is not easy and can make both of you feel defensive. But the point of the conversation is to get to the question “how do we move forward?” Try to get through it. It may take several conversations, apologies and amendments. But hopefully, you can get to the point where you feel safe enough to eliminate permanent separation from the table.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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