Dear ABBY:

My daughter was diagnosed with an illness. Soon after, she decided to marry a man she met. I don’t like the guy and it’s hard for me to have a relationship with him. They moved to another state and I asked her not to bring it to this house. However, every time she gets a chance, she brings him, and he acts like this is his home. I am currently in counseling to help me find a solution to this problem. My daughter is also in counseling and claims it is partly due to me. He is going to have surgery soon and I decided not to stay in their house because I would feel like a hypocrite. I decided to stay in a hotel and come to their house just to help her. Am I wrong for handling the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter and I’m sorry that our relationship has become so complicated. He is a person who has to control everything. Having a conversation with her is out of the question as it leads to a shouting match and a lot of disrespect from her. I tend to shut down and withdraw. What should i do? — BEWARE IN TEXAS

DEAR ATTENTION:

Glad to know you are in counseling. Please discuss with your counselor how to be kind to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him to visit you. (They may have no choice.) For the sake of your health, keep those visits short. Your idea of ​​staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery is a logical one. It will give you quiet time to recover from the pressure of taking care of her as well as your exposure to her husband. There should be no need for a shouting match; it is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for her control, it might be time to ask where this trend came from.

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Dear READERS:

Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2:00 on Sunday for most people. Don’t forget to turn the clock back an hour before going to bed tonight. While you’re at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. — LOVE, ABBY

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in What Every Teen Should Know. Send your name and mailing address plus check or money order for $8 (US funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)