Dear ABBY: My daughter was diagnosed with an illness. Soon after, she decided to marry a man she met.

I don’t like the guy and it’s hard for me to have a relationship with him. They moved to another state and I asked her not to bring it to this house.

However, every time she gets a chance, she brings him, and he acts like this is his home. I am currently in counseling to help me find a solution to this problem.

My daughter is also in counseling and claims it is partly due to me. He is going to have surgery soon and I decided not to stay in their house because I would feel like a hypocrite.

I decided to stay in a hotel and come to their house just to help her. Am I wrong for handling the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter and I’m sorry that our relationship has become so complicated.

He is a person who has to control everything. Having a conversation with her is out of the question as it leads to a shouting match and a lot of disrespect from her. I tend to shut down and withdraw. What should i do? — PRECEDENT IN TEXAS

DEAR ATTENTION: Glad to know you are in counseling. Please discuss with your counselor how to be kind to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him to visit you. (They may have no choice.) For the sake of your health, keep those visits short.

Your idea of ​​staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery is a logical one. It will give you quiet time to recover from the pressure of taking care of her as well as your exposure to her husband.

There should be no need for a shouting match; it is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for her control, it might be time to ask where this trend came from.

Dear ABBY: A close person in my life complains about money, but spends money on frivolous things.

They have rooms full of decorations, pots, plants, flowers and lanterns and have done extensive planting in their garden, which for some is a waste of money.

They buy food they don’t eat and then complain about throwing the food away.

An example: They bought Oreos, which they hate, so now the cookies are sitting in the cupboard.

At some point, it will become “someone’s” fault, but maybe not the right person’s. I guess they are only happy when they are alone buying decorations? — IT IS NOT MANAGED IN THE EAST

Dear I DO NOT MANAGE: People buy (and sometimes overbuy) for many reasons, including boredom, depression, and compulsive behavior.

If the person you are writing about spends their money, I see no reason why you should write to me.

However, if it’s your money, maybe the “close person” needs to be put on a budget.

Dear READERS: Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2:00 on Sunday for most people. Don’t forget to turn the clock back an hour before going to bed tonight. While you’re at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.