Over the years, I’ve dressed up as a “Mental Health Advocate.” But September was Suicide Prevention Month, and despite losing two summers to suicide, my chance to amp it up was gone.

Then in October I was surprised to learn (too late) that Oct. 10th is International Mental Health Day. Advocacy, again, was DOA.

How could I be a ghost in this terrifying moment for humanity—when authenticity, connection, and compassion are so needed?

But where do I start?

World business? Macabre! National policy? Revolting! State government? Careful!

Local dramas? Gloomy! Family dynamics? Macabre! Everyone’s private inner space? Scary!

I’m afraid I’m not alone: ​​secretly indulging in harmful “treats”; manipulating the monsters of our minds; hiding our pain with candied shells – all to avoid what we don’t have the time, energy or means to manage.

Yet we are haunted by death, illness, injury, divorce, moving, and job loss (life’s most stressful events); but these are things we can count on (ah-ah-ah) happening to us in one dire form or another. Through a web of culture, upbringing, circumstance, or faith, we struggle to cultivate the resilience we need to get through—and grow from—dark and scary times.

Instead, we put on superhero masks and dress painful emotions deep inside, far from where they can distract and debilitate us from fulfilling our “responsibilities” – be they real, conditional or imagined.

We have been tricked into thinking that our entire character depends on our ability to “save the day!” We pretend to the world that we’re keeping it all down – very well. As if competing in a costume contest, we hustle and bustle around for hearts and social media likes to prove it.

Disguised and identified with our ‘character’, we are more afraid to expose to others – and ourselves – how vulnerable we are.

So we wrap ourselves up like mummies to hide our truths; binding and crippling us with unseen shame. For fear of stigmatization, we delude our own damned selves.

This does not mean that we replace the cobwebs of our knowing with more self-sabotage. If through the darkness we dare to seek the truth in the mirror, mirror on the wall; what we see is not a Bloody Mary, but rather harsh realities that call for self-compassion.

Many of us are viewed as a safe house; home base and support for our families, at work and/or in our communities. The bills add up. Children must eat. Offers must close. Reports must be submitted.

Angered by the fear of failure, we feel compelled to make impossible choices. To avoid appearing selfish, we often prioritize others; and in doing so, we bury the critical time and space we need to heal from wearing such heavy and constricting garments.

Don’t be a zombie

In order to give earthly form to our potential, we must engage in intense emotional work to process and manage difficult feelings.

But it’s Halloween and who has time for that? There are so many tempting potions, poisons, witch potions and fairy dust to numb us zombie-like from the pain.

Our addiction to these elixirs is not at all paranormal.

right Hawaii Substance Abuse Coalition50% of Hawaii residents suffer from a chronic mental health problem such as anxiety, trauma or depression; with depression being the leading behavioral health disability in the country.

But at what cost? Our bodies, minds and communities are paying the price – which is just a crime in our public health and criminal justice system.

But healing is hard work; almost supernatural. It’s much easier to hide under the sheets than levitate to higher ground; more fun to raid the crevices of our treat bags…only to wake up with hard-to-kick addictions, destroyed relationships, decreased productivity, damaged finances, debilitating physical and mental symptoms, and a sense of being trapped—silently and alone.

We cannot wear our masks indefinitely without breaking down. Untreated symptoms lead to invasive and expensive treatments, medication complications, and hospitalizations. Many suffer an increased risk of suicide – the worst of spells.

When things get dark, give yourself grace. Pessimism can be positive. Like a wolf howling at the moon, your primal cries are there to protect you, to warn you, to teach you to get help. You are in the best position to stop the bargain of internal and interpersonal destruction.

Why? Because hurt people hurt people. Without self-reflection, we can return emotional or physical harm to others that causes harm; unrolling multiple webs of trauma, hurt, guilt, and disorder.

In the end, friendship, family, community and neighborhood are just as important! Take note from psychologists: Toxic positivity he’s cruel – like a creepy clown.

So please turn on your lights to let others know it’s safe to remove their masks. Because being seen and accepted by others is a real treat.