A reader writes:

I have a problem with a co-worker whom I find deeply irritating and, frankly, am embarrassed to be professionally associated with

I reported her more egregious actions to our manager and after my second complaint I started documenting the behavior, but I don’t know what is actionable and what is petty and interpersonal. I’m also having trouble feeling confident in my judgment on this, as she is highly regarded by everyone but me and is currently being pursued for a full-time position within the company in another department. I don’t know if they are aware of what she is like, but I assume so. She is not shy. I’ll call her Kevina after the gloriously infamous Kevin.

My co-worker has a habit of saying inappropriate, inflammatory or politically charged things because she thinks it’s funny. It is constant. I have made two complaints to our manager about her behavior so far as they seemed to be actionable. The first complaint was when he bragged about using a random website to find part of my social security number. We have access to a system that contains the SSNs of thousands of people, including mine, so I thought it was something I should tell my boss. The second complaint was when Kevina came into the office and told us all the reasons why she thinks businesses should be able to refuse service to gay people, out loud, while standing five feet away from a customer.

After each complaint, my boss admitted that he knew Kevina was saying inappropriate things and that he would “talk to her.”

Three days after the second report, Kevina starts her shift quietly until she makes a 9/11 joke and moves a stapler through the air while making airplane noises with her mouth and trying to get others to install water bottles to be her Twin Towers (they refuse). Thirty minutes later she starts telling us in detail how to turn an uncapped water bottle into a dangerous projectile in response to hearing about an event our employer is hosting that will be uncapped to prevent bottles from being used as projectiles dangerous. That was after the second discussion, according to my boss. I’ll include other examples of things she said at the end for transparency, but there’s only so many.

Anyway, I’m leaving in two months, so I’m not interested in improving this situation, I’m just interested in making a complaint to human resources because it’s absurd that she and my manager got away for so long. needs some checks to allow. That’s just my opinion, though, and I’m doubting myself a bit here. What kinds of things do you consider worthy of documenting for HR that aren’t obviously illegal and would just be interpersonal? Also, my complaints should be watertight because she is autistic and my company has a history of dismissing disability complaints, including a sexual harassment complaint against her, according to her.

And here are those additional examples for context and catharsis: In the past, she’s told the whole office, including our boss, that she drives drunk and how dangerous it is, she’s talked about her gambling addiction and losses, her desire to to open a gun. store that offers free alcohol with the purchase of guns, we should “build a wall” between our department and another and attribute the complaints to “Biden’s America,” asks veterans in the next office if certain guns can kill people (since she obtained a firearm that he keeps a secret from his roommates) and went around the office asking for a razor blade so he could cut and snort a pack of Smarties. And then he did. From the desk to the customer-facing front desk. She Slacked someone three levels above us asking if she could have non-alcoholic beer on the clock, said multiple times that our theme for the office decor contest should be the January 6th Insurrection, spent approx. three weeks asking each man. a courier who came to the office if they were single and wanted to meet a single mother (if no one tells him to stop, is it sexual harassment?), tried to rally support from colleagues for a “free Diddy drop” and told a courier. co-worker who had just told a lighthearted story about her teenage son doing something stupid who should “follow the American tradition and beat him with a belt and hang him upside down in a dryer.” Also, she started saying “Ohmm Shaman God” in a weird voice, like some kind of prayer? I honestly don’t know why this started, it could just be annoying. I’ve left out a lot that are probably just annoying and a few similar to what I listed because it’s been constant for months. Again, thank you for any semblance of sanity you could provide.

oh god

This is all ridiculous and offensive, but the “Diddy free” exit at least made me laugh (although there’s nothing funny about Diddy), as did the snorting Smarties.

Regardless, it’s certainly true that when you have a co-worker who’s so inappropriate, you can start to question what’s actionable versus what’s just personally annoying, but there’s a lot here that a responsible company would act on: the numbers of social security (!), instructions. for making dangerous projectiles (!), outspoken political stances, talking guns, snorting substances while dealing with customers, bigotry towards homosexuals and sexual harassment, for starters.

It’s good that your manager recognized the problem and agreed to talk to Kevina…but it doesn’t seem like those conversations had any impact, and it’s concerning that your boss didn’t do anything about it. Your boss i know did the problems continue after that? If there’s any chance she won’t, it’s worth going back to her to let her know. But otherwise, she doesn’t give your team much reason to think they can handle Kevina effectively, so I can see why you’re thinking about HR.

I’m not sure your HR team will be any better if they’ve already dismissed a sexual harassment complaint simply because Kevina is autistic, but it’s worth a shot – especially since you’re on your way out so you don’t have to . be particularly invested. And sometimes, even if HR dismisses a complaint, it will be harder for them to eliminate a pattern of complaints.

Some general principles to help you deal with this: it is reasonable to escalate complaints that are related to religious or political proselytizing; anything that puts people in physical danger; anything that violates people’s privacy or company policy (like those social security numbers); any advocacy of violence; or any harassment based on sex, religion, race, sexual orientation or other protected characteristics. Take them all to HR and be sure to use words like “harassment,” “physically endanger employees,” and “invasion of privacy” where applicable. Don’t rely on them to connect the dots and understand why each incident itself is actionable; write it using words that should ring the bell for them.

If something doesn’t fit into these categories, it’s more likely to just be personally annoying without warranting a formal complaint. (Although, while things outside of these categories might not warrant HR, they might still warrant your manager’s intervention simply for the disruption they create.)

Also, tell your coworkers that you’re talking to HR and let them know what’s going on. They may feel more inclined to report issues themselves if they know you’ve led the way, and their reports will reinforce that there’s a pattern. (Or they might feel less inclined if they know your company doesn’t care to act, but that’s still useful information for them.)