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while social media can be a pleasant diversion from boredom and stress of the world, a dark side is cyberbullying by acquaintances or strangers.

For example, Fossum et al. (2023) surveyed over 2,000 middle school teenagers in Norway and reported a relationship between being cyberbullied on social media and feeling unsafe at school. Agustiningsih et al. (2024) reviewed 10 studies with adolescents and found that being cyberbullied was related to self-esteem. Pengoid and Peltzer (2023) extended the cultural gap between being cyberbullied and mental health by examining 1,877 Caribbean adolescents. They found that only being cyberbullied, and not directly bullied at school by peers, was associated with 10 different mental health challenges, including loneliness, anxiety, suicide ideation, current cigarette smokingand problems due to excessive alcohol consumption. The challenge of cyberbullying was also reported in Saudi Arabian adolescents from a sample of 355 youth. As in the other studies cited here, being cyberbullied is associated with negative mental health. For example, 21% of the sample felt that they had hurt themselves as a result of online harshness directed at them. Cyberbullying can transcend the high school years into college (Lee et al., 2024) and even into adulthood (Jenaro et al., 2018). For example, Lee et al. (2024) examined 599 students in the United States and found a relationship between being cyberbullies and psychological. depression.

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A variant of cyberbullying is being victimized by “strangers online” (Wachs et al., 2021). In this study, there were 5,433 young people (49.8% boys with a mean age of 14.12 years, all in the UK). Those who reported more “cyber hate” against them spent more time on the Internet and more time associating with “strangers.”

What works when others are treated deeply unfairly?

while cognitive behavioral therapy is seen as a popular and effective antidote to harsh unfair treatment, even its founder, Aaron Beck, has stated that this is often not sufficient for the deeper psychological healing needed in such a circumstance. He had this to say on the back cover of Enright and Fitzgibbons (2000): “Anger and the desire to punish a family member or friend for past grievances often remains resistant to the most helpful cognitive-behavioral approaches….. Enright and Fitzgibbons show how forgiveness it can help finalize past resentments and allow people to let go of past grievances.”

Research on the psychology of forgiveness shows that it can reduce resentment caused by unfair treatment, with concomitant relief from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018; Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015; Yu et al. 2021). However, how could this work in an online context when cyberbullying comes from anonymous sources? Can victims of cyberbullying forgive strangers?

The challenge of forgiving people you don’t know online

Since 1993 (Hebl & Enright, 1993), most forgiveness intervention studies have focused on family members (Reed & Enright, 2006) and peers (Park et al., 2013). In other words, those who forgive know those who have acted unjustly. Forgiveness models tend to focus on getting to know the other by asking questions like these: What do you think childhood life was like for the one who was unfair to you? Do you think others have hurt this person? adolescence? But in adulthood? Do you believe that this person has been hurt by others so that those hurts have now been transferred to you?

The purpose of such cognitive exercises is to begin to broaden the forgiving person’s view of the wrongdoer, to see this person as more than the wrongs done. Such exercises are meant to soften the heart of the forgiver towards this person. However, what if the forgiver doesn’t know who the injured person is, as can sometimes happen with cyberbullying? Does this kind of anonymity make forgiveness impossible?

Strategies for forgiving online strangers

Our model of forgiveness incorporates three types of cognitive perspectives on the wrongdoer: personal, OVERALLand cosmic perspectives (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015). In the personal perspective, we ask those questions above about the wounds that the other has brought to the painful situation. In the case of the stranger or the anonymous person, the personal perspective is not possible. However, there is at least one other (the global perspective) and perhaps two others (the global combined with the cosmic perspective) available to the forgiver and to the one who can help the forgiver.

In global perspective, the forgiver focuses on the shared humanity of the other and the self. For example, both have unique DNA (except identical twins) combined with unique environmental experiences (even for identical twins) that make each one special and irreplaceable. Both have value. Both need enough nutrition. Both will die one day. The point is to see the commonalities, rather than to hurt and be hurt.

The cosmic perspective is reserved only for those with a transcendent or religious faith. For example, suppose the forgiver is a Jewish person. If yes, this question can be asked: Is it true that all men are made in the image and likeness of God? (found in the first book of the Hebrew Bible, Genesis 1, and repeated there for emphasis)? If so, then is the person who offended made so? Thanks to these two cognitive strategies, the global and the cosmic, the forgiver can engage in the process of forgiving the stranger.

In the Final Analysis

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Forgiveness as a strategy for cyberbullying does not stop aggression itself. Other strategies, such as behavioral ones management and school approaches to creating norms against bullying are necessary for this. What forgiveness does is go after effects of cyberbullying, such as resentment, anxiety and depression, which can last for years. Forgiveness offers the aggrieved person a way out of the inner dissatisfaction that can settle in the human heart following the wrongful act. Even if the bullying doesn’t stop, the victim of bullying now has an approach to mitigate the toxic inner effects of that bullying, thereby reclaiming their life, including liking themselves again. Bullies seek power over others. Forgiveness breaks this power and frees the victim from an emotional prison.