Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. Recently, at a family gathering, his ex-wife made some inappropriate comments about my husband (who is the father of their only child). Plus, to try and make a point, she “threw her own kid under the bus” so to speak.

I didn’t answer so as not to create a scene. I think of my husband’s child as my own and I would never want to hurt them in their relationship with their mother. What is the best way to avoid unwanted, unwarranted and snarky comments? I have a wedding coming up and I’m scared to be around her.

– Ex-Strife

Dear Ex-Strife: Depending on how big the wedding is, my first suggestion is to talk to anyone but her. He seems to feed on conflict, so if you don’t give him an audience, he’ll have to find something else to eat. Let’s hope the wedding food is good.

If it’s inevitable, then honesty is your best bet. “The last time we were together, you said some things about (husband) and (child) that I didn’t appreciate. You are entitled to your feelings, but I disagree. I would like to have fun with you tonight. Can we do this?”

It has been more than 30 years since her marriage to your husband ended. She doesn’t have to go through whatever is bothering her (and who knows, maybe some of her burden is justified). But it would be better for her if she were. Regardless, that conflict lives within her and between her and your husband. Your best bet is to draw a line and keep your distance.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow it up Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.