“Taking the risk of being a geek or caring too much or being excited about something or being too honest is what the conversation in the middle is all about.”

Why is average speech important?

For Enfield, this idea of ​​middle speech illustrates a modern dilemma.

“For most people these days, we live in such a large society that we encounter complete strangers every day, all the time.

“So we try to deal with that and figure out, ‘well, okay, I don’t actually have an established relationship with this person, we don’t have anything in common, so how can I talk to them?'”

Mastering the medium then, although complicated, is essential to how we connect with each other in our increasingly fragmented world.

And since medium talk is more personal, it can also be a bridge to friendship.

“60 years of research has found that self-disclosure of more personal information is more pleasant – we like people more to whom we self-disclose, and more self-disclosure tends to make us like others more,” says Hall.

Obviously, this only matters if the other person takes the bait – so “middle talk has potential to speed up making friends through conversation.”

One study the hours it takes to make a new friendin collaboration with Hall, joking, catching up and meaningful discussions were all found to speed up the process.

But that doesn’t mean we should give up small talk. Hall, who wrote about the idea of ​​a “social biome” – the complex ecosystem of our interactions with others – says that small talk plays an important role in cultivating it.

“Research suggests it’s a low-social energy way to stay connected with the people who share your social space and share observations about a mutual reality,” he says.

“Small talk also lets the other person know that they’re worth talking to and that they’re welcome in our shared space.”

How to do average speech

Curiosity is the key to average speech and, for that matter, to the best conversations.

“Find out what they know,” suggests Enfield, “and then learn from them.

“Everybody knows about something.”

And while most of us tend to ramble on about ourselves, Enfield recommends avoiding long monologues.

Of course, the risk involved in revealing more about ourselves can cause many of us to shy away from deeper conversations for fear of rejection.

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But Hall says the payoff is often worth the risk.

“Being a receptive and curious conversational partner is the thing we have the most control over in conversation; we can’t control how someone else will respond to what we say,” says Hall.

“The good news is that people want to know more about someone who has been a good conversation partner for them. The social energy you put into others often comes back in the end.”

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