“I’m sure you can all relate to at least one and have a few of them,” the guest wrote on Reddit

An experienced wedding guest offers advice on what not to do when planning a wedding – which they said was based on “painful personal experience”.

In a post on RedditHis “Wedding Shaming” subreddit, titled “A List of Wedding No-Nos From a Guest Who’s Seen It All,” began with the guest nodding to what draws people to the forum. “We wouldn’t be on this submarine if we weren’t horrified by what we’ve seen and personally experienced at weddings,” they wrote. “Reading the posts here reminds me of all the horrible, shameful and embarrassing things I’ve personally been subjected to at weddings I’ve been invited to/been invited to/attended over many years.”

After explaining that they felt compelled to share their hard-earned wisdom, the guest went on to detail the top 10 things they didn’t do at the wedding. First on the list: “Don’t ask an untalented friend or relative to sing a solo during the ceremony.” They jokingly explained: “This may cause loud bursts of laughter disguised as coughing.”

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The guest also advised brides-to-be not to use the word “dinner” on their wedding invitation unless they were “legitimately serving dinner” — “finger sandwiches piled on a table in the corner” don’t count, they said.

Other tips include not inviting strangers “to prolong attendance and for the purpose of taking gifts” and not holding reception hours away from the ceremony site, requiring guests to deal with annoying travel logistics.

The guest also targeted couples who schedule long photo sessions between the ceremony and reception. “Don’t leave your guests waiting for hours with nowhere to sit and nothing to eat or drink while you take hundreds of photos after the ceremony,” they wrote.

Another Reddit poster ad? When couples design a seating chart that puts guests with strangers. “I once got stuck at a table with a group of church ladies who were making faces when the wine was being poured and had nothing nice to say,” they shared of a past wedding experience.

The list also included the advice that brides and grooms should not ignore their invitations. “Try to say hello to everyone, even if only briefly. I once flew across the country for a male cousin’s wedding and didn’t even get a hello from him or his wife. They didn’t come never at our table,” the poster wrote.

The ultimate wedding guest no-no: “Don’t thank anyone who gives you a gift. It’s just good manners.”

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The post sparked a lively discussion, with many people suggesting their own additions to the list. “Don’t ask friends/family to do a favor for your wedding (ie bake the cake or cater) and then turn into a bridezilla,” one commenter wrote.

Related: Wedding guest discovers richer guests served ‘better’ alcohol and ‘more’ food: ‘not hospitable at all’

Someone else followed the couple’s expectations of gifts. “Stop viewing wedding gifts as an income stream that you have to dictate. It’s good to have a register, but it’s unpleasant to give it to people who didn’t ask for it, and asking for cash when you’re creditworthy is embarrassing,” they. he wrote. “If you don’t want things, then say you don’t need anything. Most people will give you money as a gift in return, but it’s shameful to ask for it.”

Another person addressed the trend of people charging their guests. “For the love of God, don’t ask people to attend your wedding. It is rude, rude and disrespectful,” they wrote.

There were also quite a few comments about bridal dress codes and the expectations around them.

“If you expect your guests to wear black tie, provide a black tie experience,” someone argued, prompting another commenter to chime in: “This is a big pet peeve of mine! I’m happy to dress up, but I expect it to be reflected in the food, facilities and experience.”