It’s perfectly possible these days to go an entire week without having a conversation with a stranger. We work from home; we order everything online; we walk with headphones on; we use self-checkout. Uber even has a “silent mode” to pre-warn the driver that you don’t really care what time they operate or how they feel about Kemi Badenoch, so they won’t ask, thanks.

Study after study tells us this is bad for society. Self-help authors urge us to start a conversation with people like Christopher, if only for our sanity (and his). But we go, building a digital shell, ringing our little bubbles, treating his slices like blessed nests. London, a city of nearly nine million people who only talk to each other through sensationally passive-aggressive neighborhood WhatsApp groups, is particularly bad. Something really needs to be done. But what?

They always say you should get a dog if you want to start conversations, but that seems like a strong commitment for the sake of idle chatter. Besides, dogs can’t talk. You’d definitely be better off getting a parrot, or at least one of those goats that scream intermittently.

Other experts recommend sitting on a bench and waiting until someone takes the space next to you, then remarking about the weather, or flowers, or their string. A shy colleague was sent to try this once. He waited all day, but no one sat down. The accompanying photograph had to be staged. Let’s call it artistic license.

This is not a problem in the North, or the Celtic nations, or even the Midlands. I’ve been on vox-popping jobs in the Black Country and had to physically stop strangers from talking to me, like a dirty zombie attack, because I could only record them one at a time. “I’ll go after him then,” said a man from Dudley, happy to queue. Once I was done with them, they continued to talk to each other.

Maybe what we need in the south is an exchange program. Like jury duty, we could be randomly selected to trade places with someone from the regions for a week to perfect our speaking.

It’s an idea. I’ll ask around; canvas views. If someone will talk to me.