• When I got divorced, I realized I had to tell everyone, including my neighbor and my dental hygienist.
• I finally realized that I don’t have to spill all the details to everyone.
• Sometimes I cry when I tell people, but that’s okay because it got easier.

“You and your partner no longer walk the dog together?” a neighbor whose name I don’t know recently asked me.

It’s been the better part of a year since me former partner I left and found out we were getting a divorce. This neighbor and I didn’t know each other’s names, but we’ve nodded in the early mornings or late rainy nights while walking our dogs for years.

“I got divorcedI said and watched the look of horror cross her face. I quickly followed it up with, “It’s not a bad thing.”

She smiled and recounted her own divorce decades ago as the best thing that ever happened to her. Our conversation continued with me talking about my new puppy and our senior dogs.

But then I realized something: Speaking of divorce it’s rarely easy.

I had to tell most people that I was getting a divorce immediately

Divorce is life changing. You’ll need to talk about it everywhere, from the bank and post office to conversations with friends and family. It was hard and unsettling at first, but the more we talked about my divorce, the easier it became.

I had a dentist appointment a month after my ex left and the hygienist who had cleaned my teeth for years took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I explained to him what happened, but managed to hold back my tears. It was the first time I said I was going to divorce without crying. It felt like progress.

The day before, another neighbor had come to deliver a package accidentally left on the porch. He asked how I was and I started to cry. Healing from divorce it’s not linear, and I quickly learned that the kindest thing I could do for myself was to give myself time to process what had happened. For me, that included continuing to share my life, the good and the bad.

I met a divorce lawyer and asked if he would review the public statement I wanted to make on social media. I wasn’t trying to air my dirty laundry, but as an author and content creator, nothing about how I live my life has ever been private, and it shouldn’t be.

I couldn’t keep working, which meant writing about my life and acting like I wasn’t going through something traumatic. I had to tell the truth about what happened to get through this. My lawyer approved my statement of what happened, I posted it through tears but immediately felt relief.

I learned that not everyone needs to know everything

I soon realized that when discussing my divorce, it’s important to only share details that you feel comfortable letting others know about. To me, that seems to create a level of trust upon levels. There’s information I share publicly, what I share with intimate strangers, like my favorite coffee shop barista and the full details that go to me. inner circle among the most trusted people.

Just as people will naturally slow down to look at the scene of an accident, I have found the same to be true in divorce. People without a right to information will press for details, but I don’t give everyone all the details.

Talking about my divorce is rarely easy, but that’s okay

At first, I couldn’t talk about how blindsided I was by the divorce without crying. I accepted that I would cry if the subject came up and let the tears fall. Sometimes people were uncomfortable, but I learned to be okay with that too.

Over the weeks and months, it became a much less crude topic of conversation. As I began to build a new life that I love, divorce became easier to talk about. I also found it easier to discuss divorce as my life became more stable. Everything was easier to talk about once I knew I wouldn’t have to move or sell my house.

Radical transparency has always been central to my creative and personal process. I’ve never been interested in sharing all the details of what my ex did or didn’t do, but I also won’t shy away from what it means to be a middle aged strange person going through an unexpected divorce. Sharing my divorce experience publicly helped me feel less alone and more connected to my friends, extended family, and community.