Your relationship with your parents can be complex, especially as adults. With childhood resentments, unresolved trauma, and a tendency to take on toxic traits and habits, it can’t be easy to acknowledge your past, heal, and move on.

In addition to shared trauma, there are several signs that you grew up with an abusive parent and it’s affecting you now, even if you think you’ve moved on. Overbearing parents tend to lack emotional intelligence and confidence, so they use controlling tactics to parent their children, hoping to give them some self-assurance and peace of mind.

Here are 10 signs you grew up with an overbearing parent that are affecting you now:

1. You are a perfectionist

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Perfectionism and parental control often cause anxiety in children, as a study in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology they explain, but their attention to detail and unrealistic expectations for their children also weigh heavily on their attitude and self-image.

Often insecure and struggling with self-confidence as a result of their parents’ otherwise controlling parenting style known as “helicopter parenting” or being survivors, these now-adult children hold themselves to an unrealistic standard and struggle to live carefree.

RELATED: 15 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (And It’s Ruining Your Life)

2. You struggle to express your emotions

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According to the rehab specialist Ashley Graff with Anchor Light Therapy Collectiveprovident parents tend to rely on a sense of control to parent their children. Instead of relying on emotional intelligence, they harbor a sense of rigidity, power and coldness rather than compassion and empathy.

As these children reach adulthood, they struggle to express and explain their emotions, often because they have been taught to hide or ignore them to appease a controlling parent. It has become an inherent defense mechanism for these adult children – which it tends to do connect with deep unresolved traumas and negatively affects communication and the health of their relationships.

3. You are a people pleaser

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If you struggle with “people pleasers”, often at the expense of your well-beingthis is one of the signs that you grew up with an overbearing parent and it’s affecting you now. From carrying on conversations to being the “therapy friend” and giving in to emotional abuse, you sacrifice your sanity to make sure other people are comfortable, happy, and most importantly docile.

That a 2023 “Overparenting and Mental Health” study argues that these adult children are simply experiencing “environmental mastery”. As children, they learned how to keep their controlling parents happy, even if it meant deception, sacrifice, and unfair compromise, and this knowledge has now carried over into how they navigate the chaos of adulthood.

4. You struggle with anxiety

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Research from the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology argues that there is a link between the presence of a controlling parent in a child’s home environment and their tendency to develop anxiety disorders later in life.

In particular, given that the consequences of “one error” in these children’s lives have often resulted in an unpredictable and highly emotional response from their controlling parents, they are much more likely to suppress and worry into adulthood adult.

It is not just a fear of emotional outbursts similar to their parents that these adult children struggle with; it’s an overcommitment to reading everyone’s emotions, making sure everyone is happy, and overcompensating to protect the peace that drives their anxieties.

RELATED: 5 tiny ways to stop being a people pleaser

5. You have low self-esteem

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When nothing you do is ever good enough in the eyes of your overbearing parents with unrealistic expectations and disturbing standards, it’s not just frustration that follows you into adulthood; it is also insecurity.

A study from the Journal of Family Theory and Review even claims that adults with provident parents tend to adopt insecure attachment styles with new relationships—triggered by the transactional and anxiety-filled connection of their childhood.

With such unrealistic parameters for success and happiness ingrained in your mind, you struggle to accept compliments from others, find peace with your physical and emotional being, and navigate your life without nagging insecurities.

6. You’re hyper-independent

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A addiction study by the American Psychological Association argues that individuals with hyper-independent tendencies often have experiences of childhood trauma shared with unmet dependency needs. Either their parents failed to provide adequate emotional support, were controlling in less significant parts of their lives, or boasted a transactional connection.

Any of these specific interactions with an overbearing parent will reinforce your desire to control your own life and have autonomy outside of the household. Like an aversion to the toxic tendencies of an overbearing parent, these adult children now find comfort in being alone, in control of their own decisions, and relying entirely on themselves, even to a fault.

7. You self-sabotage healthy relationships

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Almost 64% of people claim to have experienced “self-sabotaging” behaviors at least once in their lives, according to a 2008 psychiatric study. However, those with domineering and controlling parents are more likely to regularly let this behavior wreak havoc on their lives , relationships and fulfillment.

While self-sabotage may look different in different scenarios, relationship therapist Nancy Carbone claims that it almost always revolves around a lack of trust in yourself and others. Adult children do not trust their partners to fully support them as they felt as children, so they close down, sabotage their connections, or create distance to avoid getting hurt.

8. You struggle with confidence

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It’s not just platonic and romantic relationships that these adult children struggle to prioritize trust; they also find it difficult to trust themselves. From navigating their daily lives to making big life decisions and prioritizing their interests, their childhood—full of self-blame, broken trust, and emotional abandonment—affects their confidence and self-belief.

Whether you are aware of your parental trauma or not, personal development coach Pamela Aloia argues that there are ways to rebuild self-confidence in adulthood, but it starts with self-awareness. Before you can learn to face your fears, experience discomfort, and rebuild your self-confidence, you must learn the emotional intelligence you were never taught as a child.

9. You fear confrontation

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Whether it’s a friendship qualm, a relationship fight, or a confrontation with a stranger at the grocery store, adult children with domineering parents. struggle with conflict— partly because of their insecurities and partly because of how they were scolded as children.

This fear of confrontation goes back to the tendency of adult children with these parents to have insecure attachments—any sign of conflict sparks anxiety that an outburst will occur or that the stability of their relationship will be compromised.

10. You struggle to set healthy boundaries

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With parents who have consistently overstepped their space and felt largely entitled to their thoughts, energy, and emotions, these adult children must now find their own way when it comes to learning about appropriate boundaries and healthy relationships.

They may struggle with relationships or even lose them because they were taught that dependent, all-encompassing relationships were the only way to grow. Everything from healthy communication skills to the need for space and time alone were foreign to them well into adulthood, and aren’t necessarily easy concepts to learn overnight.

RELATED: If you want more confidence in yourself, it’s time to accept these 3 essential truths

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango, focusing on health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.