I have a recurring fantasy that involves a beach, a margarita, and most importantly, a huddled husband. You know that much needed vacation. Like many couples, my husband and I long for some alone time—some time to relax, take a break from life, and connect.

Fortunately for us, and most couples, it turns out that opportunities to improve love are more accessible than you might think. Conformable psychologist Dr. John Gottman of the famous “Love Lab”, lasting love is fueled by small moments of daily connection.

Here are 3 daily habits that will make your marriage stronger:

1. Do small, thoughtful things for each other

Conformable relationship expert Dr. Jack Itosmall acts of love and kindness go a long way. In his article “How to Show Love in Marriage,” he writes that the big things we do in marriage only get us so far.

Working full-time to pay the mortgage, cooking meals, and taking care of the kids—these things are necessary, expected, and tied to debt. The little extras, however, are done because you want to do them. It shows your husband that you are willing to make an extra effort because he or she deserves it.

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage WorkDr. Gottman writes that Hollywood distorts our notions of romantic love: “Watching Humphrey Bogart hold Ingrid Bergman, teary-eyed, may make your heart skip a beat, but real-life romance is fueled by scenes much more mundane. It is kept alive every time you let your spouse know that he or she is appreciated during everyday life.”

According to research from the Gottman Institutecouples who can show appreciation for each other will strengthen their relationship. When I think about it, I feel a strong sense of being loved when my husband does the simplest things for me, like fixing my plate for dinner or texting me during the day to see how I’m doing.

Or when he does little things to help me as a mother. Almost every morning, Kyle brings my baby in with a clean diaper. That’s love, my friend.

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2. Make time to say yes to each other every day

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Time is the enemy of busy couples. But time spent in positive interactions with your spouse is non-negotiable.

As Dr. Gottman writes, “A husband and wife are continually making bids for the other’s attention—introducing a topic of conversation, implicitly asking for a favor, etc. – andhe most successful couples are the ones who continually ‘return’ to their partners.” They say yes to each other’s demands for attention, interaction and love, I suppose. These daily interactions serve to build a bank of love and trust, Dr. Gottman says.

Trust is the foundation of a relationship, according to 2023 research. I’m thinking just now of an offer for attention and connection that I missed last week.

Kyle spent hours digging planting and mulching our yard. Several times throughout the process, he asked if I had seen the latest thing he had completed. At least twice I said no, I hadn’t seen her and continued to fold the laundry.

Finally, I realized what he wants: to share his experience with me, to see if his work satisfies me. So I’ve made the trek to the back yard a few times since then. Finding meaningful moments of connection in his joy of spring yard work.

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3. Establish relationship rituals and daily marriage habits

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There is something powerful about creating the “just us” element in a relationship. That couples therapist Zach Brittle say, rituals are a way to ensure that your relationship is unique. Rituals are regularly occurring activities or traditions that you share as a couple that serve to strengthen your bond.

If you’re like me, you have a love-hate relationship with Netflix. I feel like my free time could be better spent reading a book, but honestly, watching something together is one of the best rituals that Kyle and I share.

As soon as the last baby is in bed, we basically run to the couch and start our actual show. We bond throughout the entire process. If it sounds like I’m advocating a hardcore habit, I am.

The ritual we have established is to spend our evening relaxation time together, sharing something we both enjoy. When I finally go on my dream vacation, I want to go to the bank with a lot of love and confidence already.

I want to go with all our inside jokes and a history of thoughtfulness and kindness. I want the overwhelming feeling that this handsome husband is my partner in life and romance. Research from 2016 states that couples who can laugh together will have a happier and healthier relationship than those who can’t.

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Gottman Institute approach to relationship health was developed from 40 years of groundbreaking research with thousands of couples.